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Tag: Family

Strike Sneaks Up on Al Quds Day March in Iran: Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Protest
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Strike Sneaks Up on Al Quds Day March in Iran: Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Protest

Big ElephantMarch 13, 2026March 13, 2026

Breaking: Trump’s Lasers Zap Tehran as Al Quds Day Rally Gets Roasted In a shocking turn of events that’s sure…

‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Sequel: Original Directors Return to Slay More Demons with KPop Beats, Fans Rejoice (or Not)
KPop Demon Hunters Sequel Confirmed — Because One K-Pop Apocalypse Isn’t Enough
Breaking, Movie News

‘KPop Demon Hunters’ Sequel: Original Directors Return to Slay More Demons with KPop Beats, Fans Rejoice (or Not)

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well, look who’s back to ruin another evening with their perfectly choreographed demon-slaying shenanigans. That’s right, KPop Demon…

‘Lanterns’ Aaron Pierre Joins ‘Superman’ Sequel: Because Even Superheroes Need More Light in Their Lives
Hold onto your power rings, folks — it's time for some intergalactic crossover chaos! 🚀✨
Breaking, Movie News

‘Lanterns’ Aaron Pierre Joins ‘Superman’ Sequel: Because Even Superheroes Need More Light in Their Lives

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

It looks like the DC Universe just couldn’t resist the urge to play matchmaker with its cosmic cops. Aaron Pierre,…

2026 BAFTA Game Awards Nominees: The Ones Who Stayed Awake Long Enough to Be Considered
BAFTA 2026 Game Awards Nominations: The Gaming World Holds Its Breath (Or Maybe Just Its Stomach)
Breaking, Games News

2026 BAFTA Game Awards Nominees: The Ones Who Stayed Awake Long Enough to Be Considered

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

The 22nd BAFTA Game Awards 2026 is rapidly approaching, and we now have access to the full list of nominations.…

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too
The Oscars Are Doubling Down on Security Because Apparently Iran Wants to Drone-Bomb Hollywood's Biggest Night
Breaking, Movie News

Oscars Add More Guards Because FBI Thinks Terrorists Want Red Carpet Selfies Too

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

Well, well, well, look who’s decided to go full Fort Knox for a night of self-congratulatory back-patting! The 98th Academy…

‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood
Why Willy Wonka Is Secretly a Slasher Movie
Breaking, Movie News

‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ Is a Secret Massacre Movie That Will Make You Question Your Childhood

FinnMarch 12, 2026March 12, 2026

If I wanted to torture my brother when we were kids, I only needed to say two words: “Blueberry Girl.”…

Oil prices rise again as more vessels attacked near the Strait of Hormuz
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oil prices rise again as more vessels attacked near the Strait of Hormuz

Big ElephantMarch 11, 2026March 11, 2026

Oil Prices Rebound as Global Chaos Sends Shockwaves Through Markets Well, well, well, looks like the world’s gone crazy again,…

American McGee Is Continuing the Alice Story Without EA’s IP, Because Who Needs Legal Rights Anyway?
EA Is Crying In The Corner While American McGee Does The Impossible
Breaking, Games News

American McGee Is Continuing the Alice Story Without EA’s IP, Because Who Needs Legal Rights Anyway?

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

When life gives you intellectual property rights, make a loophole! American McGee, the mastermind behind the cult-classic *Alice* games, has…

ALICE COOPER Releases Memoir ‘Devil On My Shoulder’—Because Who Needs Therapy When You Can Write a Book?
Breaking, Music News

ALICE COOPER Releases Memoir ‘Devil On My Shoulder’—Because Who Needs Therapy When You Can Write a Book?

Chord F. DiscordMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Alice Cooper is back, baby! And this time, he’s not just coming to rock your face off with a chainsaw…

Trump’s Secret Nightmare: Can He Afford to Wage War on Iran Without Maxing Out His Credit Card?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Secret Nightmare: Can He Afford to Wage War on Iran Without Maxing Out His Credit Card?

Big ElephantMarch 9, 2026March 9, 2026

Here’s the news rewritten in a satirical, mocking, trolling, and funny manner from a conservative Republican perspective, as a fan…

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Latest posts

  • Tekken 8 Now Ruined by Yujiro Hanma from Baki Because Who Needs Actual Tekken Characters Anyway and Also Harada Still Can’t Get Over His Waffle House Trauma
  • SEVENDUST’s LAJON WITHERSPOON Reveals Shocking Truth: We’re All Just A Bunch Of Equally Important Dudes With Beards And Guitar Riffs Who Can’t Decide On Anything
  • Simplification des Réglementations et de la Fiscalité pour les Gens qui Aiment se Faire Mal au Cerveau avec des Tas de Papierasserie
  • Dying Fetus at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)
  • Cephalic Carnage at Maryland Deathfest 2026 (05/24/2026, Day 4)

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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