Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Heart

Megadeth Cancels Lisbon Show And Suddenly Plastic Cups Become Relevant Again
Breaking, Music News

Megadeth Cancels Lisbon Show And Suddenly Plastic Cups Become Relevant Again

Chord F. DiscordJuly 6, 2026July 6, 2026

Oh no, the world is ending: MEGADETH’s EvilLive festival appearance was cancelled due to “technical issues” and I’m still trying…

Because What July 4th Needs Is More Gunfire Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Because What July 4th Needs Is More Gunfire Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 5, 2026

I’m sitting here sipping my coffee, reading about the latest shooting in Brooklyn, and I just can’t help but think,…

Metallica Saves Venezuela With Pocket Change
Breaking, Music News

Metallica Saves Venezuela With Pocket Change

Chord F. DiscordJuly 4, 2026July 4, 2026

Breaking news: METALLICA’s charitable foundation, All Within My Hands, is donating a whopping $100,000 to earthquake relief efforts in Venezuela,…

Another Original Title Project Hail Mary Hits Amazon Streaming
Breaking, Movie News

Another Original Title Project Hail Mary Hits Amazon Streaming

FinnJuly 4, 2026July 4, 2026

Project Hail Mary is finally making its way to streaming, because what’s a blockbuster sci-fi movie without being available on…

Nikki Sixx somehow didnt die
Breaking News: Nikki Sixx Celebrates 25 Years of Not Being a Hot Mess 🎉
Breaking, Music News

Nikki Sixx somehow didnt die

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my desk because I’m so excited to share this news with you all.…

Netflix Recycles Gene Wilder’s Voice Because Originality is Overrated Apparently
Netflix's Latest Venture: A Wonka-themed Competition Series, Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Breaking, Movie News

Netflix Recycles Gene Wilder’s Voice Because Originality is Overrated Apparently

FinnJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

We’re not sure if this is exactly what Willy Wonka had in mind when he sang about a world of…

Madonna’s alleged final Confessions redux because you clearly didnt buy it the first time
Breaking, Music News

Madonna’s alleged final Confessions redux because you clearly didnt buy it the first time

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2026July 3, 2026

Madonna is back, and I’m not surprised. Because apparently retirement is just a suggestion. The Queen of Pop has returned…

You Won’t Believe This Doc’s Crazy Parenting Tips
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

You Won’t Believe This Doc’s Crazy Parenting Tips

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Dr. John Delony, a therapist who looks like he just stepped out of…

Oh boy, Dems and GOP agree on something
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oh boy, Dems and GOP agree on something

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Two kids, decades ago, fleeing communist countries, and now they’re representing…

Texas Kid Tragedies Linked In Crazy Coincidence
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Kid Tragedies Linked In Crazy Coincidence

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2026

This article is a real heart-wrencher, folks. I almost spilled my coffee reading about the two deadliest child tragedies in…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 12 13 14 … 22 Next

Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump Wants 30-Foot Washington Statue by 2032 Birthday
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Smithsonian urged to honor George Washington with 5 year exhibition
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social September 12 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald Trump posts on Truth Social September 12 2026
  • Lady Gaga Welcomes Her First Baby

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.