Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: heavy-metal

U.D.O. Finally Emerges From Retirement Home To Announce New Album That Will Definitely Not Give You A Midlife Crisis In Early 2027 Because Who Needs Timely Releases Anyway
Breaking, Music News

U.D.O. Finally Emerges From Retirement Home To Announce New Album That Will Definitely Not Give You A Midlife Crisis In Early 2027 Because Who Needs Timely Releases Anyway

Chord F. DiscordMarch 30, 2026March 30, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, the one and only Udo Dirkschneider, the former ACCEPT and current U.D.O. and DIRKSCHNEIDER…

KREATOR Made a Music Video For ‘Loyal To The Grave’ and It’s Totally Not a Desperate Cry For Relevance Inspired by a 28-Year-Old Movie
Breaking, Music News

KREATOR Made a Music Video For ‘Loyal To The Grave’ and It’s Totally Not a Desperate Cry For Relevance Inspired by a 28-Year-Old Movie

Chord F. DiscordMarch 30, 2026March 30, 2026

Get ready for some face-melting, ear-shredding, and soul-crushing metal music, because the German/Finnish/French thrash metal legends KREATOR have just dropped…

JACK OWEN Thinks He’s Too Sensitive For CANNIBAL CORPSE’s ‘Butchered At Birth’ Because Apparently Death Metal Is Too Much For His Delicate Ears
Breaking, Music News

JACK OWEN Thinks He’s Too Sensitive For CANNIBAL CORPSE’s ‘Butchered At Birth’ Because Apparently Death Metal Is Too Much For His Delicate Ears

Chord F. DiscordMarch 29, 2026March 29, 2026

In a shocking turn of events, former CANNIBAL CORPSE and current SIX FEET UNDER guitarist Jack Owen has revealed that…

RIP Ross The Boss 😢 Manowar Legend Dead at 72
Videos

RIP Ross The Boss 😢 Manowar Legend Dead at 72

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 27, 2026

Ross “The Boss” Friedman — legendary guitarist of Manowar and The Dictators — has passed away. A true pioneer of…

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 Finally Gets an Expansion Because the Devs Were Clearly Bored
Breaking, Games News

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2 Finally Gets an Expansion Because the Devs Were Clearly Bored

Pixel P. SnarkbyteMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Attention, Stalkers! Your radiation poisoning isn’t done with you yet ☢️ The boys and girls at GSC Game World have…

WILLIAM SHATNER Drags ROB HALFORD Into His Bizarre Reimagining Of JUDAS PRIEST’s ‘You’ve Got Another Thing Comin”
Breaking, Music News

WILLIAM SHATNER Drags ROB HALFORD Into His Bizarre Reimagining Of JUDAS PRIEST’s ‘You’ve Got Another Thing Comin”

Chord F. DiscordMarch 26, 2026March 26, 2026

Hold onto your warp drives, folks — William Shatner is back at it again, and this time he’s not just…

NEW ANTHRAX ALBUM NOW DELAYED UNTIL 2026 — BECAUSE WHO NEEDS MUSIC ANYWAY? FIRST SINGLE DROPS IN MAY IF THE BAND MEMBERS REMEMBER WHAT YEAR IT IS
Breaking, Music News

NEW ANTHRAX ALBUM NOW DELAYED UNTIL 2026 — BECAUSE WHO NEEDS MUSIC ANYWAY? FIRST SINGLE DROPS IN MAY IF THE BAND MEMBERS REMEMBER WHAT YEAR IT IS

Chord F. DiscordMarch 19, 2026March 19, 2026

In an interview with Australia’s Everblack podcast, ANTHRAX drummer Charlie Benante spoke about the band’s long-awaited new studio album, which…

Legendary Riff Wrangler Phil Campbell Shreds His Last Chord at 64 – Fans Left to Riff in Peace
Phil Campbell, MOTÖRHEAD's Guitar Hero, Riffs His Way to the Great Gig in the Sky at 64
Breaking, Music News

Legendary Riff Wrangler Phil Campbell Shreds His Last Chord at 64 – Fans Left to Riff in Peace

Chord F. DiscordMarch 14, 2026March 14, 2026

The heavy metal community is in mourning today as Phil Campbell, the legendary axeman who helped keep MOTÖRHEAD’s machine gun…

Filth in Gastonia, NC (03/14/2026)
Videos

Filth in Gastonia, NC (03/14/2026)

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 14, 2026

Hip-hop influenced heavy metal band from Shelby, North Carolina Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world…

Katatonia in Charlotte, NC (03/07/2026)
Videos

Katatonia in Charlotte, NC (03/07/2026)

Chuck B. BallsyMarch 7, 2026

Swedish heavy metal Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 5 6 7 … 23 Next

Latest posts

  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald Trump posts on Truth Social July 11 2026
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Trump vows to restore White House to former glory
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump slams Dumocrats as loud and lost
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump claims America will never go communist
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump claims landslide presidential election win despite bad press

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}