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Republicans Hilariously Backpedal Faster Than a Roadrunner on the Double-Tap Debacle | CNN Politics
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Republicans Hilariously Backpedal Faster Than a Roadrunner on the Double-Tap Debacle | CNN Politics

Big ElephantDecember 3, 2025December 3, 2025

Here we go again, folks! The liberal media (aka CNN, or as I like to call them, the Communist News…

Trump’s guide to insulting female journalists: From ‘piggy’ to ‘ugly,’ a masterclass in misogyny
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s guide to insulting female journalists: From ‘piggy’ to ‘ugly,’ a masterclass in misogyny

Big ElephantNovember 27, 2025November 27, 2025

The Failing New York Times, desperate for relevance, has launched another pathetic attack on our glorious President Trump, claiming he’s…

Glenn Hughes: Still Alive After All These Years (and Sober, Apparently)
Breaking, Music News

Glenn Hughes: Still Alive After All These Years (and Sober, Apparently)

Chord F. DiscordNovember 26, 2025November 26, 2025

OMG! Glenn Hughes, aka the “Voice of Rock” (according to himself, probably), is TOTALLY celebrating 28 years of sobriety! 🎉…

North Carolina Man Blames Bald Eagle for Cat-astrophic Windshield Incident, 911 Operator Wonders if It’s a Fur Real Emergency
Eagle Drops Cat on Windshield: A Sign from the Deep State?
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

North Carolina Man Blames Bald Eagle for Cat-astrophic Windshield Incident, 911 Operator Wonders if It’s a Fur Real Emergency

Big ElephantNovember 22, 2025November 22, 2025

Another day, another sign of the impending apocalypse, folks! I bet you won’t hear about this on Fake News CNN…

Layne Staley’s Diary: Now Good for Something Besides Gathering Dust
Breaking, Music News

Layne Staley’s Diary: Now Good for Something Besides Gathering Dust

Chord F. DiscordNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

OMG! 😱 Did you hear? “This Angry Pen Of Mine: Recovering The Journals Of Layne Staley” – a totally authorized…

Breaking: Blind Guardian Bravely Stumbles Through North America in 2025, Kicking Off Tour in Fort Lauderdale Because Why Not
Live, Music News

Breaking: Blind Guardian Bravely Stumbles Through North America in 2025, Kicking Off Tour in Fort Lauderdale Because Why Not

Chord F. DiscordNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

OMG! 😱 The geriatric German power metallers BLIND GUARDIAN, bless their little hobbit hearts, 👴👵 actually dared to kick off…

Apple Declares New Podcast King, Listeners Everywhere Shrug
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Apple Declares New Podcast King, Listeners Everywhere Shrug

Big ElephantNovember 18, 2025November 18, 2025

Folks, can you believe it? Joe Rogan, a true patriot, has taken the #1 spot on Apple Podcasts! Finally, some…

Rikki Rockett’s “Rockett Mafia” (Yeah, We Don’t Know Either) Lands at Pavement Entertainment
Breaking, Music News

Rikki Rockett’s “Rockett Mafia” (Yeah, We Don’t Know Either) Lands at Pavement Entertainment

Chord F. DiscordNovember 7, 2025November 7, 2025

Pavement Entertainment, known for its exquisite taste in… uh… “music,” has proudly announced the signing of THE ROCKETT MAFIA. Yes,…

OMG! Miss Chile Ditches World Peace for Death Metal Screams, Judges’ Ears Bleed
Breaking, Music News

OMG! Miss Chile Ditches World Peace for Death Metal Screams, Judges’ Ears Bleed

Chord F. DiscordNovember 6, 2025November 6, 2025

Ignacia Fernández, a 27-year-old *model* (we use that term loosely) who also fronts the earth-shatteringly obscure Chilean “progressive” death metal…

Tyketto to unleash ‘Closer To The Sun’ in March 2026 (Get ready to be mildly whelmed)
Breaking, Music News

Tyketto to unleash ‘Closer To The Sun’ in March 2026 (Get ready to be mildly whelmed)

Chord F. DiscordOctober 29, 2025October 29, 2025

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in! 😹 Those hard-rocking has-beens, TYKETTO, are gracing us with their presence…

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  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Gwynne Shotwell donates 325 million dollars in SpaceX stock

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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