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Tag: Thank You

Stephen King’s “The Long Walk” Finally Gets a Trailer (Spoiler: They Walk)
Breaking, Movie News

Stephen King’s “The Long Walk” Finally Gets a Trailer (Spoiler: They Walk)

FinnJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

OH. MY. GOD. 🙄 Lionsgate UK, bless their cotton socks, has announced that *THE LONG WALK* will be gracing the…

Brad Gillis of NIGHT RANGER Bows Down to His Dark Lord OZZY OSBOURNE: “He Made Me What I Am Today, A Guitar-Slinging Minion”
Breaking, Music News

Brad Gillis of NIGHT RANGER Bows Down to His Dark Lord OZZY OSBOURNE: “He Made Me What I Am Today, A Guitar-Slinging Minion”

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

NIGHT RANGER, those purveyors of totally awesome 80s cheese 🧀, decided to “honor” Ozzy Osbourne on Saturday, July 26 at…

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of freaking Darkness (or was it the Court Jester of Darkness?), has finally kicked…

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! On Wednesday, July 23, the man, the myth, the legend (of getting kicked out of MEGADETH), David…

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom
Breaking, Music News

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

Paramedics reportedly spent two hours treating Ozzy Osbourne before his inevitable demise on Tuesday, July 22. Two whole hours! 🕰️…

gamescom 2025: Prepare for Disappointment — Bigger Than Ever, Apparently
Breaking, Games News

gamescom 2025: Prepare for Disappointment — Bigger Than Ever, Apparently

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 19, 2025July 19, 2025

Oh, sweet gamers, brace yourselves! 🤪 Gamescom 2025, that annual pilgrimage to the land of overpriced energy drinks and questionable…

New Car Loan Interest Deduction: Buckle Up, Buttercup, ‘Cause You’re Probably Too Broke to Qualify | CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

New Car Loan Interest Deduction: Buckle Up, Buttercup, ‘Cause You’re Probably Too Broke to Qualify | CNN Business

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

CNN is at it again, folks! Trying to dissect President Trump’s brilliant tax-and-spending cuts bill like they know better. Typical…

Linda Yaccarino FIRED from X, Probably Spotted Crying into Her Latte
Elephant Reads CNN

Linda Yaccarino FIRED from X, Probably Spotted Crying into Her Latte

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Another one bites the dust! Looks like Linda Yaccarino couldn’t handle the heat in Elon Musk’s kitchen. Two years as…

K.K. Downing’s Back! (And Apparently Metal Depended On It)
Breaking, Music News

K.K. Downing’s Back! (And Apparently Metal Depended On It)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Oh, the DRAMA! 🙄 K.K. Downing, formerly of that band JUDAS PRIEST (you know, the one he dramatically QUIT 🙄),…

Nicki Minaj Roasts Old Men and Horses
Breaking, Music News

Nicki Minaj Roasts Old Men and Horses

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

OMG! 🚨 Nicki Minaj, Queen of Shade and Petty Supremacy, Just Decided to Roast Jay-Z and Megan Thee Stallion Like…

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  • Chance Weighs Dropping First Name For The Rapper Moniker

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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