OH. MY. GOD. 🙄 Lionsgate UK, bless their cotton socks, has announced that *THE LONG WALK* will be gracing the silver screens of the UK and Ireland on the *checks notes* 12th of September. Because, you know, what the world REALLY needs is another Stephen King adaptation. As if we haven’t suffered enough already. 🤣 It’s directed by Francis Lawrence, the guy who apparently peaked with *The Hunger Games* movies. Prepare to be thrilled… or maybe just mildly inconvenienced. Your choice, really. 🤷♀️
From the depths of Stephen King’s supposedly “masterful” mind (yeah, okay 🙄), comes *THE LONG WALK*. I’m sure it’s going to be just *thrilling*. Apparently, it’s based on King’s *first* novel, because who needs quality when you can just scrape the bottom of the barrel? 🛢️ And Francis Lawrence, fresh off directing *The Hunger Games* (because that’s still relevant, right?), is here to *challenge* audiences with the earth-shattering question: “How far could you go?” I dunno, Francis, maybe to the fridge for more popcorn to get through this cinematic masterpiece? 🍿 Just spitballing here.
Lionsgate presents, in association with… Media Capital Technologies? Who? 🤔 Anyway, it’s a Vertigo Entertainment / about:blank production. “about:blank” pretty much sums up my expectations for this film. The screenplay is by JT Mollner, who I’m sure poured his heart and soul into adapting King’s literary *genius*. 🙄
The cast? Oh, it’s a who’s-who of… people. We’ve got Cooper Hoffman, David Jonsson, Ben Wang, Garrett Wareing, Tut Nyuot, Charlie Plummer, Roman Griffin Davis, Jordan Gonzalez, Joshua Odjick, and Josh Hamilton. I’m sure they’re all very talented, but let’s be honest, they’re probably wondering what they signed up for. 🤷♂️ And let’s not forget Judy Greer and Mark Hamill, because every movie needs some recognizable faces to trick audiences into thinking it’s good. It’s written by JT Mollner (again, poor guy) and produced by Roy Lee, Steven Schneider, Francis Lawrence, and Cameron MacConomy. So many people involved, it *must* be good, right? 😂
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
