Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: The Thing

Epstein Files: Prepare for Disappointment Despite Politicians Pretending to Care
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Epstein Files: Prepare for Disappointment Despite Politicians Pretending to Care

Big ElephantNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Well, folks, the swamp creatures in Congress *finally* passed a bill to release the Epstein files. You know, the ones…

Popeyes Announces ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ Menu: Prepare to Get Spooked (and Probably Diarrhea)
Breaking, Movie News

Popeyes Announces ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s 2’ Menu: Prepare to Get Spooked (and Probably Diarrhea)

FinnNovember 18, 2025November 18, 2025

Okay, so listen up, buttercups 💅. The *Five Nights at Freddy’s* franchise, that cinematic masterpiece of jump scares and animatronic…

Roslindale Film Society’s “Hocus Pocus” Showing: Dress Up, Losers
Events

Roslindale Film Society’s “Hocus Pocus” Showing: Dress Up, Losers

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 25, 2025

OMG!🤦‍♀️ Hocus Pocus AGAIN?🧙‍♀️At The Substation!🗓️ Oct 31st. Doors open 4:30 pm for kiddie-flick. Hocus Pocus starts 5 pm. Then,…

Roslindale Film Society Presents: The Thing (1982) – Dress Up as a Frozen Corpse and Maybe Win Something
Events

Roslindale Film Society Presents: The Thing (1982) – Dress Up as a Frozen Corpse and Maybe Win Something

Chuck B. BallsyOctober 25, 2025

**OMG! A “CREATURE DOUBLE-FEATURE” at The Substation! 🤣 Costume contest? More like a fashion disaster zone!** 4:30 pm: Doors open…

Fallout 4: GOTY Edition: Specialer Edition: Anniversary Edition: Now With Even MORE Bugs, Coming to Your Toaster Oven
Breaking, Games News

Fallout 4: GOTY Edition: Specialer Edition: Anniversary Edition: Now With Even MORE Bugs, Coming to Your Toaster Oven

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 24, 2025October 24, 2025

Wow, can you believe it? Fallout 4, that buggy mess we all secretly 🤫 loved (or hated intensely🔥), is turning…

Darkseid Did Nothing Wrong: A Defense of the Benevolent Ruler of Apokolips in the New DCU
Breaking, Movie News

Darkseid Did Nothing Wrong: A Defense of the Benevolent Ruler of Apokolips in the New DCU

FinnOctober 22, 2025October 22, 2025

😂Oh noes! 😱Darkseid, the big baddie of all big baddies, the guy who makes Thanos look like a fluffy bunny🐰,…

Witness the Cinematic Chainsaw Symphony: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Docu-Blast on Glorious Blu-Ray
Breaking, Movie News

Witness the Cinematic Chainsaw Symphony: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Docu-Blast on Glorious Blu-Ray

FinnOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Lightbulb Film Distribution, those purveyors of cinematic… stuff… 💡, have bravely announced that a feature-length snooze-fest 😴 about, allegedly, one…

Fred Durst Cries a River for Sam Rivers in 8 Whole Minutes: Prepare to Roll Your Eyes
Breaking, Music News

Fred Durst Cries a River for Sam Rivers in 8 Whole Minutes: Prepare to Roll Your Eyes

Chord F. DiscordOctober 19, 2025October 19, 2025

Oh my gosh, like, LIMP BIZKIT‘s supreme overlord, Fred Durst, has graced us with a super-emotional 😭 (not really) tribute…

Konami Cancels Silent Hill f OST, World Sobbing, Refunds Offered Like Band-Aids on a Bullet Wound
Breaking, Games News

Konami Cancels Silent Hill f OST, World Sobbing, Refunds Offered Like Band-Aids on a Bullet Wound

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Oh, the misery! 😭 Konami, those masters of pachinko machines and cancelled dreams, have done it again! They’ve officially binned…

Drew Struzan RIP
Breaking, Movie News

Drew Struzan RIP

FinnOctober 14, 2025October 14, 2025

OMG! 😭 Like, I’m, like, SOOOO devastated to announce that Drew Struzan, the dude who painted, like, ALL your fave…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 4 5 6 Next

Latest posts

  • Vance blasts Iran deal with rightful American skepticism and distrust always
  • Liberal incompetence ruins Reflecting Pool with dumb renovation fail again
  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Fail of the Week Freaky Friday Challenge Is Back
  • Smascherare i bugiardi si rivelera un corso obbligatorio per sopravvivere alle elezioni 2026
  • EA SPORTS College Football 27 Hands-On Preview: Because You Clearly Didn’t Waste Enough Time Playing NCAA 14

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}