Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Tool

Ozzy’s New Doc: Prepare for Absolutely Zero Escape (You’ve Been Warned)
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s New Doc: Prepare for Absolutely Zero Escape (You’ve Been Warned)

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 17, 2025September 17, 2025

Paramount+, in its infinite wisdom, is gracing us with a documentary about Ozzy Osbourne, because apparently, we haven’t suffered enough.💩…

SOEN? More Like SO-WHAT? Band Announces Seventh Album, ‘Reliance’ (Yawn)
Breaking, Music News

SOEN? More Like SO-WHAT? Band Announces Seventh Album, ‘Reliance’ (Yawn)

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 17, 2025September 17, 2025

SOEN, those Swedish purveyors of… uh… *progressive metal* (🤣), are gracing us with their seventh studio album, “Reliance”, dropping on…

Gamescom 2025: “Routine”—Yeah, Sure, Another “Survival Horror Classic” In The Making
Breaking, Games News

Gamescom 2025: “Routine”—Yeah, Sure, Another “Survival Horror Classic” In The Making

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 13, 2025September 13, 2025

OMG 😱! After a geological epoch—more than a decade, you peasants!—Routine, the game that’s been more vaporware than actual ware,…

Federal Reserve Official Claims ATL Mansion Is Just a ‘Hobby Home,’ Says It Needs More Throw Pillows
Elephant Reads CNN

Federal Reserve Official Claims ATL Mansion Is Just a ‘Hobby Home,’ Says It Needs More Throw Pillows

Big ElephantSeptember 13, 2025September 13, 2025

Oh, the tangled web these swamp creatures weave! Looks like Lisa Cook, the darling of the radical left and alleged…

Brent Hinds’ Untimely Departure: Atlanta’s Music Scene Weeps (Or Maybe Just Has Allergies)
Breaking, Music News

Brent Hinds’ Untimely Departure: Atlanta’s Music Scene Weeps (Or Maybe Just Has Allergies)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Atlanta News First, purveyors of the finest clickbait, have graced us with a video report on the totally unexpected demise…

Brent Hinds, Who Used To Shred for MASTODON, Now Shredded by Motorcycle
Breaking, Music News

Brent Hinds, Who Used To Shred for MASTODON, Now Shredded by Motorcycle

Chord F. DiscordAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

So, apparently, according to Atlanta News First (who we totally trust, BTW 😉), Brent Hinds, ex-guitarist from that band your…

DAVID ELLEFSON: From Bassist to Trust Fund Baby in One Easy Step
Breaking, Music News

DAVID ELLEFSON: From Bassist to Trust Fund Baby in One Easy Step

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2025August 19, 2025

In a recent interview with the highly intellectual and not-at-all-clickbaity “Brutally Delicious” podcast, ex-MEGADETH bassist David Ellefson (aka Junior, aka…

BIOHAZARD Dumps Another ‘Single’ – This Time It’s ‘Eyes On Six’ (Whatever That Means)
Breaking, Music News

BIOHAZARD Dumps Another ‘Single’ – This Time It’s ‘Eyes On Six’ (Whatever That Means)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2025August 19, 2025

OMG! 🤣The geriatric crew of BIOHAZARD, those relics from the Stone Age of Nu-Metal, have finally dropped a music video…

“The Man In My Basement” Trailer: Prepare for Willem Dafoe’s Oscar-Worthy Performance (as a Basement Dweller)
Breaking, Movie News

“The Man In My Basement” Trailer: Prepare for Willem Dafoe’s Oscar-Worthy Performance (as a Basement Dweller)

FinnAugust 14, 2025August 14, 2025

Oh, honey, let’s talk about “The Man in My Basement,” because nothing screams “riveting cinema” like a dusty basement and…

Magic: The Gathering and Avatar: The Last Airbender Crossover: Prepare for Disappointment!
Breaking, Games News

Magic: The Gathering and Avatar: The Last Airbender Crossover: Prepare for Disappointment!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 12, 2025August 12, 2025

Oh, honey, hold onto your hats because Wizards of the Coast is at it again! 🙄 Fresh off the heels…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 6 7 8 … 10 Next

Latest posts

  • Lindsey Graham’s Senate seat sparks chaos in South Carolina
  • ‘Only Elite Assassins Can Do This,’ Says Candace Owens Of 6-Month-Old Crawling Across Kitchen Floor
  • Pilates studio owner trades core strength for mountain of problems
  • Slipknot Finally Fires Guy Who Spins Around In Circle
  • Olivia Rodrigo Joins Smashing Pumpials at Lollapalooza

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}