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Tag: Triumph

Kraken: Prepare to be mildly startled by a Scandinavian sea monster flick
Breaking, Movie News

Kraken: Prepare to be mildly startled by a Scandinavian sea monster flick

FinnAugust 16, 2025August 16, 2025

Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we’re diving headfirst into the cinematic masterpiece that is “Kraken”! 🦑🌊 Prepare to have your…

PARADISE LOST Unleashes New Single ‘Tyrants Serenade’ – Prepare for the Melancholy Onslaught from ‘Ascension’ Album (As If You Had a Choice)
Breaking, Music News

PARADISE LOST Unleashes New Single ‘Tyrants Serenade’ – Prepare for the Melancholy Onslaught from ‘Ascension’ Album (As If You Had a Choice)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

PARADISE LOST, those lovable British purveyors of gloom and riffs, have unleashed yet ANOTHER music video for “Tyrants Serenade.” Because,…

Ella McCay: Witness the Hilarious Clusterf*ck Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, and a Whole Damn Comedy Posse
Breaking, Movie News

Ella McCay: Witness the Hilarious Clusterf*ck Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, and a Whole Damn Comedy Posse

FinnAugust 5, 2025August 5, 2025

Oh, look, another movie about a woman trying to do it all! 🙄 Because we haven’t seen that, like, a…

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ Bombs So Hard It Breaks Netflix’s Servers
Breaking, Movie News

‘Happy Gilmore 2’ Bombs So Hard It Breaks Netflix’s Servers

FinnJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, sweet golfing gods, bow down to the cinematic masterpiece that is Happy Gilmore 2! 🏌️‍♂️ After a grueling 30-year…

Tariffs: The Goldilocks Zone (or How Trump Might Accidentally Nuke the Economy)
Elephant Reads CNN

Tariffs: The Goldilocks Zone (or How Trump Might Accidentally Nuke the Economy)

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Fake News CNN at it again, folks! They’re trying to downplay President Trump’s HUGE success with these new trade deals.…

Air Dud: Golden Receiver? More Like Golden Retriever-ing This Tired Franchise From the Dog House
Breaking, Movie News

Air Dud: Golden Receiver? More Like Golden Retriever-ing This Tired Franchise From the Dog House

FinnJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

Oh, sweet suffering cinephiles, brace yourselves! 🏀🐕 The cinematic masterpiece that none of us asked for, *Air Bud Returns*, is…

PARADISE LOST Drops New Banger ‘Serpent On The Cross’ from ‘Ascension’ Album (Prepare to be Underwhelmed)
Breaking

PARADISE LOST Drops New Banger ‘Serpent On The Cross’ from ‘Ascension’ Album (Prepare to be Underwhelmed)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 11, 2025July 11, 2025

Oh great, more doomy dirges from the geriatric goth squad, PARADISE LOST! 🙄 They’ve just dropped a new “music video”…

Fozzy Barfs Up Another Turd, This Time It’s ‘Fall In Line’
Breaking, Music News

Fozzy Barfs Up Another Turd, This Time It’s ‘Fall In Line’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

FOZZY, the musical masterpiece 🤩 fronted by wrestling “icon” Chris Jericho and the guitar wizard 🧙‍♂️ from STUCK MOJO, Rich…

WE CAME AS ROMANS Announce ‘All Is Beautiful… Because We’re Doomed’ Album, Probably Still Doomed Though, Share ‘Culture Wound’ Single (Prepare for More Wounds)
Breaking, Music News

WE CAME AS ROMANS Announce ‘All Is Beautiful… Because We’re Doomed’ Album, Probably Still Doomed Though, Share ‘Culture Wound’ Single (Prepare for More Wounds)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

OMG 😱, the metalcore overlords, WE CAME AS ROMANS, are gracing us with their presence AGAIN! Their new album, dramatically…

Another Genius Idea: Jon M. Chu’s Gonna Wreck ‘Hot Wheels’ in Live-Action
Breaking, Movie News

Another Genius Idea: Jon M. Chu’s Gonna Wreck ‘Hot Wheels’ in Live-Action

FinnJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh, great. Another cinematic masterpiece in the making. 🙄 Jon M. Chu, the visionary behind such groundbreaking films as… *checks…

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Latest posts

  • Amazon Abruptly Cancels Movie About Sam Altman Because Let’s Be Real Who Cares About Some Guy and His AI Company Anyway
  • Gang of Dragon Still NOT Dead Because Let’s Be Real Who Needs Founders Anyway Nagoshi Studio Is Totally Fine Without Them
  • Breaking News: Fallout Season 3 Just Became 1000% More Interesting Because They Added Some Guy from That One Show Your Nephew Watches Manny Jacinto
  • BEARTOOTH Finally Decides to Release Actual Bulls*** From Their Super Original and Not at All Overhyped ‘Pure Ecstasy’ Album That Will Definitely Change the Face of Music Forever
  • SKUNK ANANSIE Still Trying to be Relevant Releases Super Original Not at All a Cry for Help New Take On ‘Meltdown’ With ‘Blackhill Remix’ That You’ll Definitely Listen to More Than Once

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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