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Navy Secretary Nominee Thinks Alpha Males Are Still A Thing Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Navy Secretary Nominee Thinks Alpha Males Are Still A Thing Apparently

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2026

I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about President Donald Trump’s latest nomination, and I have to say, it’s a…

ICE Ankle Monitor Apparently More Effective Than Therapy
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

ICE Ankle Monitor Apparently More Effective Than Therapy

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The story of Pierre Damas Bel, a 20-year-old Haitian immigrant, is…

Because The Wizarding World Needed More Cash Grabbing Television Spinoffs
Breaking, Movie News

Because The Wizarding World Needed More Cash Grabbing Television Spinoffs

FinnSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

There are no new Harry Potter books or movies on the horizon, but that’s not stopping Warner Bros. from finding…

Satch and Vai Unleash Album For 12 People Who Still Care About Guitar Solos
Breaking, Music News

Satch and Vai Unleash Album For 12 People Who Still Care About Guitar Solos

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

Oh boy, are you ready for this? 🤯 After decades of friendship, guitar legends Joe Satriani and Steve Vai have…

Chevron Goes All In On Venezuelan Oil Bonanza
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Chevron Goes All In On Venezuelan Oil Bonanza

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Chevron’s big plans in Venezuela, and I’ve got to say, it’s a…

Nintendo Graciously Bestows 8-Player Split-Screen Upon Switch Owners After Years
Breaking, Games News

Nintendo Graciously Bestows 8-Player Split-Screen Upon Switch Owners After Years

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

It’s-a time to get this update party started, folks! Nintendo has seen fit to bless us with a brand new…

Acer peddles pricey Predator handhelds to revive dying gaming dreams
Breaking, Games News

Acer peddles pricey Predator handhelds to revive dying gaming dreams

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

Acer’s got a whole new bag of tricks up its sleeve, and this time it’s all about handheld gaming. At…

Bond Yields Just Became The Party Crashers Nobody Invited
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bond Yields Just Became The Party Crashers Nobody Invited

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest market trends, and I have to say, it’s getting interesting.…

Another farewell to Donna Summer’s catalog, again, somehow, still
Breaking, Music News

Another farewell to Donna Summer’s catalog, again, somehow, still

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

The music industry’s perpetual motion machine has churned out yet another deluxe edition, because apparently retirement is just a suggestion.…

Dell peddles pricey new Alienware toys for gamer wallets
Breaking, Games News

Dell peddles pricey new Alienware toys for gamer wallets

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 2, 2026September 2, 2026

It’s that time of the year again, folks, when tech companies gather to show off their latest and greatest at…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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