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Another Iconic Star Gone, Cue the Reboot Announcements in 3, 2, 1
Breaking, Movie News

Another Iconic Star Gone, Cue the Reboot Announcements in 3, 2, 1

FinnAugust 26, 2026August 27, 2026

The week just got a whole lot worse. TMZ reports that Tim Curry, the iconic actor and beloved star of…

Vixen guitarist Britt Lightning’s new band The Jetsetters sells out to The Label Group already
Breaking, Music News

Vixen guitarist Britt Lightning’s new band The Jetsetters sells out to The Label Group already

Chord F. DiscordAugust 26, 2026August 26, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for the most exciting news ever? 🤩 I mean, I can barely contain my…

Polyphia Blesses Us With New Album Because You Clearly Needed More Guitar Wankery
Breaking, Music News

Polyphia Blesses Us With New Album Because You Clearly Needed More Guitar Wankery

Chord F. DiscordAugust 26, 2026August 26, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some instrumentally-gifted, genre-bending, and potentially-soul-crushing music? 🤯 Because POLYPHIA just announced their fifth…

Apple Launches iPhone Under New CEO Because That’s What They Do
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Apple Launches iPhone Under New CEO Because That’s What They Do

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

Well, folks, it looks like Apple is about to shake things up with their new CEO, John Ternus, who’s set…

Billionaire Begs to Not Be Replaced by Robots Yet
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Billionaire Begs to Not Be Replaced by Robots Yet

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Bill Gates’ latest warnings on AI, and folks, it’s a doozy. He’s arguing…

China Accused of Spying on Basically Everyone Everywhere
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

China Accused of Spying on Basically Everyone Everywhere

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to wrap my head around this latest news from CNN. Apparently, US officials…

Xbox and IKEA merge to create gaming furniture abominations
Breaking, Games News

Xbox and IKEA merge to create gaming furniture abominations

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 26, 2026August 26, 2026

Because who needs actual games when you can buy overpriced furniture to match your gaming setup, am I right? At…

Inflation Keeps Being A Huge Party Pooper For Consumers Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Inflation Keeps Being A Huge Party Pooper For Consumers Again

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest economic news, and let me tell you, it’s a mixed…

Guillotine Enthusiast Takes Road Trip to US Capitol
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Guillotine Enthusiast Takes Road Trip to US Capitol

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a guy who decided to drive all the way from California to…

Bond Yields Spike Because Stability Is Overrated Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bond Yields Spike Because Stability Is Overrated Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 26, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The $30 trillion US Treasury market is making waves on Wall…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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