Tom Cruise’s new film Digger is set to hit theaters this fall, but let’s be real, we’re all still waiting for the real masterpiece: his six-hour instructional film on acting and filmmaking. A few years ago, Glen Powell revealed that Cruise had him watch this “film school” video, which contains the sum total of Cruise’s knowledge on moviemaking. Because, you know, a six-hour video is exactly what every aspiring actor and filmmaker needs.
According to Cruise, the film is “just very basic” and covers topics like lenses, frames, and storytelling. Because, apparently, these are concepts that need to be explained in excruciating detail over the course of six hours. Powell, on the other hand, described the film as a comprehensive guide that includes a “flight school” section, where Cruise literally explains how planes work. One can only imagine the pearls of wisdom contained within.
The Art of Filmmaking, According to Tom Cruise
Cruise’s film is reportedly not intended for public consumption, but we can’t help but wonder what other secrets it holds. Does it include a section on how to run really fast without getting tired? Or perhaps a tutorial on how to make a successful franchise out of a decades-old property? The possibilities are endless, and we’re dying to know more.
In a recent interview with GQ, Cruise discussed the contents of his film, stating that it’s meant to help people understand the basics of filmmaking. But let’s be real, we’re not buying it. This is Tom Cruise we’re talking about, the man who has been making movies for decades and still manages to find new ways to surprise us. There must be more to this film than meets the eye.
As we wait for Digger to hit theaters, we can’t help but think about the state of the film industry. With the rise of streaming services and the constant demand for new content, it’s easy to get lost in the chaos. But every so often, a film comes along that reminds us why we love movies in the first place. Will Digger be that film? Only time will tell.
The Future of Cinema, According to Hollywood
Meanwhile, the Content Mines remain fully operational, churning out sequel after sequel, remake after remake. Executives reportedly nodded very seriously during an expensive meeting, discussing the latest trends and how to capitalize on them. Marketing departments have once again declared history to be “made” with the release of yet another trailer, which is apparently “the most anticipated event of the decade.” Because, you know, that’s exactly what we need: more hype and less substance.
As we look to the future, it’s hard not to feel a sense of exhaustion. The Franchise Resurrection Department is still one of Hollywood’s busiest offices, and the Merchandising Department is always on the lookout for new ways to sell us the same old thing. But amidst all the chaos, there are still gems to be found. And who knows, maybe Digger will be one of them.
In the end, it’s all just a numbers game. Investors reportedly became emotional after hearing the phrase “shared cinematic universe,” and somewhere an algorithm has decided that audiences wanted this. But as we sit in the dark, watching the latest blockbuster, it’s hard not to wonder: is this really what we want? Or are we just settling for what we’re given? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure: Tom Cruise’s six-hour film school video is still the most anticipated event of the decade.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
