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Trump’s Winning Streak Continues to Elude His Candidates Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Winning Streak Continues to Elude His Candidates Somehow

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest Republican primaries, and let me tell you, it’s been a…

Trump Plans Another BFF Summit with Kim Jong Un Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Plans Another BFF Summit with Kim Jong Un Apparently

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I just about choked on my coffee reading about President Donald Trump’s latest announcement – he’s planning to meet…

Great Falls Residents Shocked By Completely Normal Tuesday Stabbing Incident
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Great Falls Residents Shocked By Completely Normal Tuesday Stabbing Incident

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a gruesome murder in Great Falls, Virginia, and I’ve got to say,…

Ricky Warwick somehow still employed despite releasing more solo music
Breaking, Music News

Ricky Warwick somehow still employed despite releasing more solo music

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2026August 20, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some news that will change your life forever? 🤯 I mean, it’s not…

LAIKA’s Wildwood Gets a New Trailer Because You Clearly Didn’t Watch the First Five Ones
Breaking, Movie News

LAIKA’s Wildwood Gets a New Trailer Because You Clearly Didn’t Watch the First Five Ones

FinnAugust 19, 2026August 24, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for the most epic adventure of the year? 🎉 I mean, who needs a…

Trump’s Brilliant Advice Ignored Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brilliant Advice Ignored Again

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about President Donald Trump’s latest move, and I have to say, it’s a…

AG Todd Blanche somehow not involved in weird seashell threat thing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

AG Todd Blanche somehow not involved in weird seashell threat thing

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to make sense of this wild story. Apparently, the Justice Department is saying…

Another Year Another Desperate Scouring of Letterboxd for Any Sign of Life in Hollywood
Breaking, Movie News

Another Year Another Desperate Scouring of Letterboxd for Any Sign of Life in Hollywood

FinnAugust 19, 2026August 19, 2026

As we approach the two-thirds mark of 2026, it’s time to check in with the most passionate film fans on…

Richards Blames Obvious Culprit: Herself
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Richards Blames Obvious Culprit: Herself

Big ElephantAugust 19, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about Dr. Renée Richards, a trailblazing transgender woman who took the tennis world by…

Fatboy Slim rehashes Better Living Through Chemistry because you didn’t buy it enough
Breaking, Music News

Fatboy Slim rehashes Better Living Through Chemistry because you didn’t buy it enough

Chord F. DiscordAugust 19, 2026August 19, 2026

Well, well, well, it looks like another anniversary edition is upon us, because apparently retirement is just a suggestion. Fatboy…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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