Hold onto your space helmets, folks! Amazon MGM Studios has decided that saving the galaxy from annihilation wasn’t quite epic enough, so they’re taking Commander Shepard on a career pivot to… package delivery. That’s right — in the upcoming Mass Effect TV series, humanity’s last hope isn’t fighting Reapers; he’s fighting missed delivery deadlines. ✈️📦
Word on the cosmic street is that Shepard has swapped out his trusty Normandy for a space pickup truck complete with 2-day galactic Prime stickers plastered on the sides. Instead of heroic last stands and galaxy-spanning alliances, he’s now perfecting the art of peeing into a bottle while navigating asteroid belts just to make his 4 PM drop-off window. Hey, no judgment here — everyone’s gotta make rent, even if it’s on the Citadel.
And in this hot-off-the-warp-gate twist, the villains aren’t sentient AI or ancient gods bent on universal reset. Nope! It’s a group of « white-faced aliens » whose primary objective is to establish good ol’ fashioned patriarchy. Because nothing screams sci-fi thriller like a fight to deliver space cat food while fending off oppressive extraterrestrial mansplainers. Commander Shepard’s new job description? «Save the galaxy, one Prime delivery at a time.»
Naturally, the internet is ablaze, with die-hard fans simultaneously clutching their Biotic amps and shaking their heads in unison. But hey, if there’s one thing we can count on, it’s that Amazon knows how to blend the corporate grind with just enough drama to keep those streaming numbers soaring. If you ever wanted to see Shepard trade «war hero» for «space gig worker», buckle up. It’s going to be one cargo-filled, space-influenced ride. 🌌☕️✅
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
