Scholars Discover Little-Known Bible Verse Authorizing Divorce If Spouse Plays Christmas Music Before Thanksgiving
CAMBRIDGE — Though it was long thought to be prohibited except for reasons of sexual immorality, Bible scholars now say…
Day: November 22, 2024
America Is Toast: Here Are 9 More A-List Celebs Who Are Leaving
With Hollywood mainstays like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi escaping the hostility of the United States, how can America…
Matt Gaetz Withdraws As Trump’s Attorney General Pick
Read MoreThe OnionFormer Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he would withdraw his name from consideration to be President-elect Donald…
Joe Rogan Says If Dragons Aren’t Real Then What Was He Riding Through Hyperspace While Smoking Pot With The Machine Elves Last Night?
AUSTIN, TX — Comedian and podcaster Joe Rogan, a professed believer in dragons, pushed back against naysayers by presenting a…
Smuggler Arrested With 300 Tarantulas Strapped To Body
Read MoreThe OnionPolice in Peru arrested a man caught trying to leave the country with 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and…
Court Overturns Jussie Smollett Hoax Conviction Due To Evidence America Actually Is MAGA Country
SPRINGFIELD, IL — The Illinois Supreme Court announced yesterday that it had overturned disgraced actor Jussie Smollett’s conviction on charges…
Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With widespread support from her Republican colleagues, Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) introduced a bill Friday that would ban…
Wife Hoping To Unwind With Weekend Of Stressful Activities
DENVER, CO — Local mom Patricia McMullins, overwhelmed by a busy week of housework and raising her children, was reportedly…
RFK Jr. Unveils New School Lunches That Are Just A 24-Ounce Ribeye And A White Claw
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources within the Department of Health and Human Services reported that incoming Secretary Rober F. Kennedy, Jr.…
HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑
Well, well, well! It seems like the goblins at HBO have finally done their math. Turns out, «canceling» J.K. Rowling…