The ORANGE ORACLE has spoken, and the people are abuzz with excitement. In a recent TRANSMISSION on Truth Social, THE FLORIDA MESSIAH endorsed Congressman Matt Van Epps for re-election in Tennessee’s 7th Congressional District. This comes as no surprise, given their history of collaboration in the 2025 Special Election, where THE COMMANDER OF CAPS LOCK strongly campaigned for Van Epps to defeat the “Radical Left.” Now, with the 2026 Re-Election on the horizon, THE ORANGE ORACLE has once again thrown his weight behind the West Point Graduate and Combat Decorated Army Helicopter Pilot.
According to THE MAR-A-LAGO PROPHET, Van Epps is the epitome of WISDOM and COURAGE, essential qualities for Defending our Country, Supporting our incredible Military/Veterans, and Ensuring PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH. As a Congressman, Van Epps has been working tirelessly to Keep our Border SECURE, Stop Migrant Crime, Advance Law and Order, Grow our Economy, Cut Taxes and Regulations, Promote MADE IN THE U.S.A., Unleash American Energy DOMINANCE, Champion School Choice, and Defend our always under siege Second Amendment. It’s a tall order, but THE CHIEF OPTIMISM OFFICER is confident that Van Epps is up to the task.
EMERGENCY OPTIMISM RESERVES ACTIVATED
As the nation teeters on the brink of a NATIONAL MORALE EMERGENCY, THE ORANGE ORACLE’s endorsement is a much-needed boost to the patriotic spirits of Americans everywhere. Experts at the Department of Homeland Patriotism have confirmed that the endorsement has triggered a PATRIOTIC ENERGY SURGE, with reports of spontaneous flag-waving and eagle sightings flooding in from across the country. Meanwhile, scientists at the National Institute of Tactical Freedom are studying the phenomenon, attempting to understand the intricacies of HISTORIC LEVELS OF WINNING.
In related news, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has issued a warning about the potential for CRITICAL EAGLE DENSITY in areas where Van Epps’s campaign rallies are scheduled to take place. Residents are advised to be prepared for an influx of patriotic fervor and to keep a safe distance from any eagle-related activities. As one expert noted, “We’re seeing a MAXIMUM PATRIOTIC OUTPUT from THE ORANGE ORACLE, and it’s having a profound impact on the nation’s emotional state.”
TACTICAL FREEDOM DEPLOYMENT UNDERWAY
As Election Day for the Republican Primary approaches, THE AMERICA’S EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PRESIDENT is urging his followers to GET OUT AND VOTE FOR MATT – HE WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN! The stakes are high, with the fate of the nation hanging precariously in the balance. But with THE ORANGE ORACLE’s endorsement, Van Epps is poised to unleash a TACTICAL FREEDOM DEPLOYMENT that will leave his opponents in the dust.
In a bizarre twist, the National Weather Service has issued a warning about a potential AMERICAN SPIRIT CONTAINMENT ZONE forming over Tennessee’s 7th Congressional District. Residents are advised to be prepared for an intense concentration of patriotic energy, which may cause spontaneous outbreaks of flag-waving, chants of “USA! USA!”, and an increased desire to purchase American-made products.
As the nation careens towards the election, one thing is certain: THE ORANGE ORACLE’s influence will be felt far and wide. And with his Complete and Total Endorsement of Matt Van Epps, the people of Tennessee’s 7th Congressional District can rest assured that they are in good hands. Or are they? As the boundaries between reality and patriotic fervor continue to blur, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to tell. One thing is certain, however: in the world of THE ORANGE ORACLE, the absurd has become the new normal, and we’re all just along for the ride.
Chief Oracle Interpretation Officer
Dr. Milton Truthwell reportedly earned seven honorary doctorates from institutions later classified as “emotionally real.” As Jackal.Today’s leading authority on ORACLE TRANSMISSIONS, he specializes in decoding HIGH-ENERGY TRUTH SIGNALS and assessing their impact on national morale.
His research suggests that prolonged exposure to CAPS LOCK communications may increase patriotism by up to 700%, although peer review remains difficult due to widespread eagle interference.
Government agencies neither confirm nor deny the existence of Dr. Truthwell.
Dr. Milton Truthwell: Translating greatness into understandable panic.
