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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Trump’s Brainchildren Launch Phone Carrier: Prepare for 5G Conspiracy Theories
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brainchildren Launch Phone Carrier: Prepare for 5G Conspiracy Theories

Big ElephantJune 17, 2025June 17, 2025

Finally, a phone company that isn’t run by woke communists! Trump Mobile is here to save us from the clutches…

Mahmoud Khalil’s Lawyers Throw a Hail Mary Pass: “Let Our Man Go (Back to Jersey)” | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Mahmoud Khalil’s Lawyers Throw a Hail Mary Pass: “Let Our Man Go (Back to Jersey)” | CNN

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

CNN is crying over Mahmoud Khalil, a “pro-Palestinian activist” (read: potential terrorist sympathizer) being held by ICE. Apparently, this guy…

Fact Check: Trump’s G7 Truthiness Extravaganza: Trudeau, Trade, Ukraine, and the Great Immigration Conspiracy
Elephant Reads CNN

Fact Check: Trump’s G7 Truthiness Extravaganza: Trudeau, Trade, Ukraine, and the Great Immigration Conspiracy

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it again, desperately trying to make our great President Trump look bad! They’re twisting his…

MyPillow Guy Pilloried: Jury Says He Did a No-No to Voting Machine Dude
Elephant Reads CNN

MyPillow Guy Pilloried: Jury Says He Did a No-No to Voting Machine Dude

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Another day, another victory for the Deep State! A Colorado jury, probably filled with soy-latte-sipping liberals, has decided that MyPillow’s…

Shipping Shenanigans: CNN Gets Lost at Sea in the US-China Trade Tantrum
Elephant Reads CNN

Shipping Shenanigans: CNN Gets Lost at Sea in the US-China Trade Tantrum

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN reports that the shipping industry is in “chaos” because of Trump’s trade war with China. Can…

Lisa Murkowski’s Bravery: Standing Up to Orange Man (and Maybe Authoritarianism?)
Elephant Reads CNN

Lisa Murkowski’s Bravery: Standing Up to Orange Man (and Maybe Authoritarianism?)

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, the drama! CNN reports that the perpetually triggered left had “No Kings” protests because, gasp, Trump is apparently turning…

American Bar Association throws a hissy fit over Trump’s epic law firm takedowns
Elephant Reads CNN

American Bar Association throws a hissy fit over Trump’s epic law firm takedowns

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, the poor, oppressed lawyers! The American Bar Association, a known bastion of leftist legal eagles, is crying foul because…

Iran’s Super-Secret Nuclear Hideout: The Place Israel Totally Doesn’t Know About
Elephant Reads CNN

Iran’s Super-Secret Nuclear Hideout: The Place Israel Totally Doesn’t Know About

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, CNN, always the drama queens! “Hidden 90 meters underground”? Sounds like my basement when Hillary’s emails went missing. This…

Judge Jeanine “Lock Her Up” Pirro Now Threatens to “Lock THEM Up”
Elephant Reads CNN

Judge Jeanine “Lock Her Up” Pirro Now Threatens to “Lock THEM Up”

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, CNN is at it again, folks! Now they’re whining about Jeanine Pirro, our fearless, truth-telling queen, daring to be…

Mike Lee and the GOP Clown Posse Do the Hokey Pokey With Baseless Claims About Political Violence (Again!)
Elephant Reads CNN

Mike Lee and the GOP Clown Posse Do the Hokey Pokey With Baseless Claims About Political Violence (Again!)

Big ElephantJune 16, 2025June 16, 2025

Oh, the liberal media is at it again, folks! CNN, the champion of fake news, is clutching its pearls over…

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Most Viewed Posts

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Latest posts

  • DHS Cutting Intel Staff by 75% Because Apparently Threats Aren’t THAT Threatening
  • July 4th, 2025: The Definitive Guide to What’s Actually Open (Spoiler: Not Much)
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Archives

  • July 2025
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  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

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