Allstate CEO Explains If Americans Were Nicer, Islamists Wouldn’t Have To Murder Them
U.S. — Allstate CEO Thomas Wilson explained to viewers across the nation that if Americans would act nicer, Islamic terrorists…
Category: Babylon Bee
Biden Awards Presidential Medal Of Freedom To Skeletor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move, President Joe Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Skeletor, longtime archnemesis…
Batman Trades In Batmobile For Cybertruck
GOTHAM CITY — Batman has officially traded in the Batmobile for a Tesla Cybertruck. Read MoreBabylon Bee
US Army To Add ‘Do You Intend To Carry Out a Massive Terrorist Attack’ To Application Form
U.S. — In an effort to address recent violence, the United States Army has decided to begin asking applicants if…
Lost VeggieTales Episode Discovered Where David Brings King Saul 200 Severed Pickle Tips
TUSTIN, CA — A previously lost episode of the beloved children’s classic VeggieTales has surfaced that depicts a young Dave,…
Presbyterian Church To Begin Tasing Anyone Who Raises Hands During Worship
FORKSVILLE, PA — As part of a new hardline stance being taken to start the new year, a local Presbyterian…
Bad Sign: Sushi Bar Run By White Dude
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Looking for authentic sushi at a reasonable price? Look elsewhere. Bushido Sushi may look the part,…
FBI Baffled Terrorist Attack Occurred As They Imprisoned All Jan 6 Attendees
U.S. — As the investigations continued into the deadly events of the new year, FBI agents were reportedly baffled that…
12 Bible Characters Reveal Their New Year’s Resolutions
The start of the new year is traditionally a time when people make their resolutions to better themselves. While many…
FBI Asks X Users To Please Stop Solving Crimes Before They Do
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a formal statement, the FBI has called on Internet sleuths, particularly X users, to please stop…