Early Exit Polls Show Peanut The Squirrel With Commanding Lead
USA — Early exit polls in the 2024 presidential election show surprise write-in candidate Peanut the Squirrel with a commanding…
Category: Babylon Bee
9 Proofs Our Elections Are Safe And Secure
Though many Americans are worried about the security of America’s electoral processes our elections are and always have been completely…
Dad Voting For Kamala In Hopes That One Day His Granddaughter Can Be Aborted
MADISON, WI — A local white male has made the courageous decision to vote for Kamala to preserve his daughter’s…
Election Officials Unveil Special New Ballot Box For Libertarians
U.S. — Just in time for Election Day, officials unveiled a brand-new ballot box for Libertarians to use which, they…
Dad Says Results Of Halloween Candy Inspection Could Be Delayed Up To 2 Weeks
ATLANTA, GA — Local dad Brad O’Malley reportedly disappointed his young children this morning by informing them that the results…
Colorblind Man Has No Idea Who Is Winning
TULSA, OK — According to sources, local colorblind man Jim Cone has no idea who is winning the presidential race…
New Polls Show That Trump Will Definitely Win Unless Harris Wins
U.S. — A new poll from NBC News shows definitively that Trump will win the 2024 presidential election unless Harris…
Democrats Remind Everyone A Winner May Not Be Declared Until 110% Of The Vote Is Counted
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As Americans continue to wait in line to cast their votes today, several prominent Democrats have stepped…
Kamala Harris Confused By Process Where She Needs To Get Votes To Be Selected
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris was heard questioning the voting process early Tuesday, reportedly confused as to why…
9 More Scary Facts About Guns
Brought to you by: Strikeman You should be well aware by now that guns are the most dangerous things in…