Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Category: Elephant Reads CNN

CVS down, prescriptions grounded, public in shambles
Elephant Reads CNN

CVS down, prescriptions grounded, public in shambles

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? CVS, another victim of the Woke Cloud! You know, the one Hillary Clinton probably set…

ICE, ICE, Baby: Suspect Gets a Boo-Boo, US Marshal Needs a Band-Aid
Elephant Reads CNN

ICE, ICE, Baby: Suspect Gets a Boo-Boo, US Marshal Needs a Band-Aid

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Another day, another illegal alien resisting the Trump administration’s efforts to keep America safe! Seems like this “gravely wounded” suspect…

‘Disgusting’: Even a Trump Supporter Thinks Trump’s Nominee is a Texting Disasterclass | CNN Politics
Elephant Reads CNN

‘Disgusting’: Even a Trump Supporter Thinks Trump’s Nominee is a Texting Disasterclass | CNN Politics

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, great, another Deep State operative trying to smear our glorious President Trump and his fantastic nominees! So, some RINO…

CNN Asks: Was Fela Kuti Just a Wannabe Bob Marley-Dylan-Ali Mashup
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Asks: Was Fela Kuti Just a Wannabe Bob Marley-Dylan-Ali Mashup

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

CNN is at it again, folks! Now they’re pushing some Afrobeat musician named Fela Kuti as the next Bob Marley,…

Warner Bros Discovery desperately seeks a sugar daddy, claims to have options
Elephant Reads CNN

Warner Bros Discovery desperately seeks a sugar daddy, claims to have options

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, the liberal mothership CNN might get sold? Shocking! Who’d want a failing network peddling fake news? Maybe George Soros…

North Carolina Senate bravely gerrymanders its way to more Republican seats, democracy cries in the corner
Elephant Reads CNN

North Carolina Senate bravely gerrymanders its way to more Republican seats, democracy cries in the corner

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

North Carolina Republicans are doing their part to MAGA! The state Senate approved a new congressional map to help secure…

Oh, No, Not Again: J.D. Vance Butts Into Israel, Because Peace Was Just *Too* Boring
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, No, Not Again: J.D. Vance Butts Into Israel, Because Peace Was Just *Too* Boring

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, CNN is clutching their pearls again! Apparently, they’re “concerned” that the ceasefire in Israel, brokered by our glorious President…

Pilot Throws Tantrum After Forgetting Flight Attendants Exist, Hears Imaginary Cockpit Gremlins
Elephant Reads CNN

Pilot Throws Tantrum After Forgetting Flight Attendants Exist, Hears Imaginary Cockpit Gremlins

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? Another airline incident! You just know some radical leftist was trying to storm the cockpit,…

From Bagpipes to Prison Bars: American Tourist’s Scottish Detour Ends in Utah Jail Cell
Elephant Reads CNN

From Bagpipes to Prison Bars: American Tourist’s Scottish Detour Ends in Utah Jail Cell

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Another day, another victory for justice! A Utah judge has finally thrown the book at Nicholas Rossi, a man who…

Analysis: Government Shutdown Crisis: A Comedy of Errors in Zero Acts
Elephant Reads CNN

Analysis: Government Shutdown Crisis: A Comedy of Errors in Zero Acts

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, the horror! The radical Democrats, in cahoots with the Deep State, are at it again, trying to undermine our…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 247 248 249 … 389 Next

Latest posts

  • First Class Now Includes Free Duct Tape Restraints
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: President DJT to speak at massive rally in Dallas
  • Trump’s Excellent Adventure Continues With Sketchy Qatari Jet Ride
  • US Lets Venezuelan Businessman Off Hook Because Oil
  • Pentagon Cans Journalists Because Accountability is Overrated

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.