Oh, the liberal mothership CNN might get sold? Shocking! Who’d want a failing network peddling fake news? Maybe George Soros needs another hobby. Or perhaps China wants to expand its propaganda reach?
Warner Bros. Discovery is pretending they might split CNN to look valuable. Please! Everyone knows it’s a dumpster fire. Paramount lowballed an offer? Figures, even they know CNN is worthless. Zaslav claims “significant value”? More like significant delusion! Shares spiked 7%? Probably from bots and leftist hype. Let’s hope a real American patriot buys CNN and turns it into a Trump news network!

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
