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Category: Breaking

Super Mario Galaxy Movie Trailer: Prepare for Liftoff (and Disappointment)
Breaking, Movie News

Super Mario Galaxy Movie Trailer: Prepare for Liftoff (and Disappointment)

FinnNovember 12, 2025November 12, 2025

The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is allegedly an animated film based on the world of Super Mario Bros., continuing the…

RAVEN Does METALLICA’s ‘Metal Militia’ – Prepare for Pigeon Mayhem from ‘Tribute to Kill ‘Em All (Again?)’
Breaking, Music News

RAVEN Does METALLICA’s ‘Metal Militia’ – Prepare for Pigeon Mayhem from ‘Tribute to Kill ‘Em All (Again?)’

Chord F. DiscordNovember 12, 2025November 12, 2025

Silver Lining Music, apparently unaware of the sheer audacity of their actions, will be unleashing “No Life ‘Til Leather –…

Woody and Buzz Return in Toy Story 5: Prepare for More Existential Dread and Plastic Mayhem
Breaking, Movie News

Woody and Buzz Return in Toy Story 5: Prepare for More Existential Dread and Plastic Mayhem

FinnNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Woody and Buzz, those dusty relics of childhood, are back for Toy Story 5, because apparently, Pixar ran out of…

The Game Awards 2025 Partners With Prime Video To Subject Viewers To More Ads
Breaking, Games News

The Game Awards 2025 Partners With Prime Video To Subject Viewers To More Ads

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

OMG! 🤯 The Game Awards, that totally legit and not-at-all-rigged awards show where Geoff Keighley gets to play kingmaker 👑,…

NetEase Chunders Out Another Marvel Rivals Trailer No One Asked For
Breaking, Games News

NetEase Chunders Out Another Marvel Rivals Trailer No One Asked For

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Ok, gamers, hold onto your hats (or helmets, or whatever weird headgear superheroes wear) because NetEase Games, bless their cotton…

Mega Millions Jackpot: From Ramen to Riches (Maybe)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Mega Millions Jackpot: From Ramen to Riches (Maybe)

Big ElephantNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Another Mega Millions jackpot, another opportunity for the woke mob to redistribute wealth! It’s all part of their plan to…

Ukraine War: Trauma That’ll Last Longer Than Your Last Relationship, Says Some Doc From MSF, According to CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Ukraine War: Trauma That’ll Last Longer Than Your Last Relationship, Says Some Doc From MSF, According to CNN

Big ElephantNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

MSF Secretary General claims it will take ‘generations’ to get over Ukraine war trauma? More like generations to undo the…

Tariffs: Taxes in Disguise? Court to Decide if Trump’s Trade War Was Just One Big Tax Scam
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Tariffs: Taxes in Disguise? Court to Decide if Trump’s Trade War Was Just One Big Tax Scam

Big ElephantNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Folks, CNN is at it again, trying to undermine our great President Trump! They’re whining about tariffs, calling them a…

CNN: Trump’s Economy Flops Harder Than Biden’s, Sad
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN: Trump’s Economy Flops Harder Than Biden’s, Sad

Big ElephantNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Fake News CNN at it Again! They’re twisting President Trump’s words on the economy to fit their failing, liberal narrative.…

Marty Supreme: Timothée Chalamet graces us with his presence in a gripping table tennis spectacle, courtesy of Josh Safdie’s cinematic masterpiece
Breaking, Movie News

Marty Supreme: Timothée Chalamet graces us with his presence in a gripping table tennis spectacle, courtesy of Josh Safdie’s cinematic masterpiece

FinnNovember 11, 2025November 11, 2025

Well, well, well, what have we here? Another cinematic masterpiece 🙄? It’s Marty Supreme, the latest offering from that darling…

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Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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