Category: The Onion

    Read MoreThe OnionSCOTTSDALE, AZ—Sources marveled at the single-mindedness and robotic efficiency with which area man Maxwell DiLuzio raised and lowered…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Cheese Stick Wrappers Piled On Desk Like Shed Skins Littering Cobra Pit appeared first on The…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Hopelessly captivated by the animal’s cheerful energy and striking appearance, the U.S. populace reportedly converged upon a D.C.-area…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Saying it was only by divine intervention that he was still standing, President Donald Trump stated during a…

    Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—In a desperate attempt to revive their floundering brand amid declining revenues, WeightWatchers officials announced Thursday that…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Only Have Franchise For You appeared first on The Onion.   FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Stain Sentimental appeared first on The Onion.   FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…

    Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Confirming the rumors around the popular franchise were true, executive producers confirmed Monday they had cast Almond…

    Read MoreThe OnionIn these scary and uncertain times, community is more important than ever. And nothing brings a community together…