Homesick Luka Doncic Gazes Longingly At Photo Of Barren Dallas Office Park
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—In the aftermath of a stunning trade that saw the point guard move from the Texas city…
Category: The Onion
Foreign Man Knows An Incredible Amount About Harlem Globetrotters
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Astonished by the sheer volume of exhibition basketball knowledge that one person could possess, sources confirmed Monday…
Trump’s 25% Tariffs On Canada, Mexico Take Effect
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump’s 25% taxes on imports from Mexico and Canada went into effect today, the latest salvo…
NRA Gives Dead Schoolchildren ‘F’ Rating
Read MoreThe OnionFAIRFAX, VA—Calling the young students “the true enemy of gun rights,” the National Rifle Association reportedly issued an…
Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Declaring the utter lack of alcohol in the Pentagon kitchen to be a “national emergency,” Defense Secretary Pete…
Woman Contaminates Grocery Store Food With Urine For Years
Read MoreThe OnionA New Hampshire woman was arrested after several years of allegedly urinating on items at a food co-op…
Movie Theater Ceiling Collapses During ‘Captain America’ Screening
Read MoreThe OnionAfter a ceiling collapsed onto the audience during a screening of the latest Marvel film, a theater in…
What To Know About ‘The Pitt’
Read MoreThe OnionThe Pitt, a new medical drama series on Max, has received an outpouring of praise for its realistic,…
Tim Walz Calls On Fellow Democrats To Return His Tupperware
Read MoreThe OnionST. PAUL, MN—Making an impassioned plea to his colleagues in an effort to inspire concrete action, Gov. Tim…
‘The Substance’ Snags Oscar For Best Goo
Read MoreThe OnionThe post ‘The Substance’ Snags Oscar For Best Goo appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical…