Area Man Knows When He Not Welcome In Children’s Museum
INDIANAPOLIS—Dusting off the kinetic sand from his hands as he walked with his head held high toward the exit,…
Category: The Onion
Trump Spotted Wearing Paper Sign Reading ‘The President’
The post Trump Spotted Wearing Paper Sign Reading ‘The President’ appeared first on The Onion. The post Trump Spotted…
Apple Photos Reminds Man He Was Nude In Capitol Building 5 Years Ago
The post Apple Photos Reminds Man He Was Nude In Capitol Building 5 Years Ago appeared first on The…
Lost Jan. 6 Rioter Still Searching Capitol Building For Mike Pence
WASHINGTON—As he wandered aimlessly through the halls of the U.S. Capitol building, lost Jan. 6 rioter Alex Morris told…
Steph Curry Finally Finishes Eating Mouthguard
The post Steph Curry Finally Finishes Eating Mouthguard appeared first on The Onion. The post Steph Curry Finally Finishes…
NASA Discovers Distant Planet With Conditions That Could Sustain Rocks
WASHINGTON—Lauding the breakthrough as a pivotal moment in the search for stones beyond the solar system, researchers at NASA…
British Teen Returning From Semester In U.S. Regales Friends With Tale Of Food That Tastes Good
LONDON—Delighting his schoolmates as he weaved a rich tapestry of life in the United States, newly returned British exchange…
Trump Claims He Will Marry Maduro’s Wife Until Suitable Replacement Found
WASHINGTON—Stressing that he was prepared to remain in the role for as long as necessary, President Donald Trump claimed Monday…
Local Church Opens Doors To Any Single Mothers In Need Of Judgment
DANBURY, CT—Emphasizing the local parish’s dedication to serving its most vulnerable community members, St. Mary’s Catholic Church announced Tuesday…
Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’
The post Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’ appeared first…