Skip to content
logo4

Jackal.Today

News that makes you want to howl!

  • Home
  • Breaking
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Sport News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Advertise with us!
  • Editorial
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Agenda

’40 Acres’: Danielle Deadwyler’s Suburban Nightmare Comedy
Elephant Reads CNN

’40 Acres’: Danielle Deadwyler’s Suburban Nightmare Comedy

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Another day, another woke disaster from Hollyweird! Now they’re pushing “40 Acres,” a post-apocalyptic thriller starring Danielle Deadwyler. Betcha it’s…

Trump’s Brainwave: SCOTUS, Lemme Axe These Toy Cops
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Brainwave: SCOTUS, Lemme Axe These Toy Cops

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Here we go again, folks! Our glorious President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is trying to clean house at the…

DHS and FBI Warn of Impending Doom (aka July 4th Fireworks) by Lone Wolves
Elephant Reads CNN

DHS and FBI Warn of Impending Doom (aka July 4th Fireworks) by Lone Wolves

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Looks like the Deep State is at it again, folks! The FBI and DHS are issuing warnings about July 4th…

Microsoft to Fire 9,000 Employees: Is This the End of Windows 95?
Elephant Reads CNN

Microsoft to Fire 9,000 Employees: Is This the End of Windows 95?

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? Microsoft, that bastion of woke capital, is laying off THOUSANDS! Probably because they’re too busy…

Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Another day, another example of the radical left’s agenda to undermine justice and appease criminals! CNN is reporting that a…

Leaked: John Roberts’ Guide to Supreme Court Domination (As Told By CNN)
Elephant Reads CNN

Leaked: John Roberts’ Guide to Supreme Court Domination (As Told By CNN)

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Ah, CNN, still trying to undermine our glorious President Trump even in his second term! This time, they’re whining about…

Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up
Elephant Reads CNN

Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Folks, are you ready for some hard-hitting journalism? CNN is reporting that Chuck E. Cheese, yes, that bastion of family…

Federal Judge Hilariously Overrules Trump’s Petty Attempt to Kick Out Haitian Migrants, CNN Reports
Elephant Reads CNN

Federal Judge Hilariously Overrules Trump’s Petty Attempt to Kick Out Haitian Migrants, CNN Reports

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 1, 2025

Another activist judge, probably appointed by some RINO, is trying to undermine President Trump’s efforts to secure our borders! This…

UPenn to Trans Athletes: “You Can’t Sit With Us” (and Lia Thomas? Never Heard of Her)
Elephant Reads CNN

UPenn to Trans Athletes: “You Can’t Sit With Us” (and Lia Thomas? Never Heard of Her)

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Finally, some sanity prevails, thanks to President Trump’s unwavering commitment to REAL women’s sports! The radical leftist agenda of allowing…

Alaskan Pork and Whale Bribes: Murkowski Sells Her Soul to Trump (Again) | CNN Politics
Elephant Reads CNN

Alaskan Pork and Whale Bribes: Murkowski Sells Her Soul to Trump (Again) | CNN Politics

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Oh, the drama in D.C. never ends! Looks like Senator Murkowski, bless her heart, held up President Trump’s “big, beautiful…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 2 3 … 15 Next

Most Viewed Posts

  • Are You Sure This Is Linkin Park? Fans Claim New Song Sounds Like Paramore! 🎸 (1,359)
  • 😱 New Days of Thunder Sequel Set to Drive Woke Hollywood Wild! 🏁💥 (1,348)
  • Yoda Goes Black, Chewbacca’s New Pronouns: Lucasfilm’s Wild Plans for Star Wars 😱🌟 (1,298)
  • 🎮 BioWare’s «Mancleaners» and the New Woman Effect: A Look Inside the Studio’s Gender Revolution 💼 (1,134)
  • New Polls Show That Trump Will Definitely Win Unless Harris Wins (945)

Latest posts

  • Zetro’s Back, Baby! Hear Him Butcher Songs He’s Never Even Tried Before
  • Trump’s “Big, Beautiful Bill” Barely Squeaks Through the House (Sad!)
  • Lawmakers bravely venture into ‘Alligator Alcatraz,’ may become gator snacks | CNN
  • Dow Tries Not to Vomit as S&P Parties Like It’s 1999 (Again) Thanks to Totally Believable Jobs Numbers | CNN Business
  • “ICE gets a boner from this bill”: Immigration reporter spills the tea on new enforcement cash | CNN

Archives

  • July 2025
  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  1. CirrusFlash on Oh great, another overpriced ski simulator nobody asked for is getting a shiny new trailer and a collector’s edition, whoop-de-doo 🙄 ⛷️ 👻 💰.April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to authenticity.

  2. canary apple red on HBO Bends the Knee to Rowling: Trans Rights? Apparently Not as Magical as Galleons! 🤑April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to Ryan.

  3. Bleach on 🛒Amazon Takes Full Control of 007: James Bond Gears Up for the Battle of Likes and Discounts🎬April 25, 2025

    The Met Gala theme this year: \'millionaires but make it expensive.\'

  4. Crazy Eights on Oblivion Remaster: ‘Body Type’ vs ‘Gender’ – Who Won This Clown Show? 🤡🎉April 25, 2025

    Another celebrity podcast? Can\'t wait to 5000.

  5. Sleek Assassin on 🤠 Amazon Reinvents Mass Effect: Forget the Reapers, Meet Galactic Two-Day Shipping!April 25, 2025

    Award shows: where sponsored hand each other trophies for existing.

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn McFrame October 8, 2024
Editorial
! Editorial strike2
Editorial

🔥 Jackal.Today Journalists Go on Strike: «Too Much Money, Too Much Freedom — Enough Is Enough!»

Finn McFrame January 29, 2025
July 2025
M T W T F S S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2025 Jackal.Today | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}