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Tag: Apple

Eric Adams Abandons Sinking Ship, Flees NYC Mayoral Race Like a Rat
Elephant Reads CNN

Eric Adams Abandons Sinking Ship, Flees NYC Mayoral Race Like a Rat

Big ElephantSeptember 28, 2025September 28, 2025

Another one bites the dust! Crooked Mayor Adams, buckling under the weight of his own scandals (and maybe a little…

Ghost’s ‘Skeletour’ with PRG: Prepare for a Behind-the-Crypt Look (as if you care)
Breaking, Music News

Ghost’s ‘Skeletour’ with PRG: Prepare for a Behind-the-Crypt Look (as if you care)

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

So, GHOST went on tour, called the “Skeletour”. You know, because calling it the “We Need More Money Tour” was…

Alright Alright Alright, McConaughey Loses His Way on ‘The Lost Bus,’ Tears Guaranteed
Breaking, Movie News

Alright Alright Alright, McConaughey Loses His Way on ‘The Lost Bus,’ Tears Guaranteed

FinnSeptember 23, 2025September 23, 2025

OMG 😱, you guys will NOT believe this! “The Lost Bus” is hitting Apple TV+ on October 3, 2025, and…

iPhone Air: Because Your Wallet Needed a Diet, Too
Elephant Reads CNN

iPhone Air: Because Your Wallet Needed a Diet, Too

Big ElephantSeptember 18, 2025September 18, 2025

Of course, CNN is pushing the new iPhone Air! It’s probably made in Communist China with parts stolen from American…

Oh great, MORE Darkness!
Breaking, Movie News

Oh great, MORE Darkness!

FinnSeptember 18, 2025September 18, 2025

Oh great, The Darkness is back 🙄. Yes, that iconic, long-running (and by “long-running” we mean “milked dry”) series is…

5 Things 2 Know on 9/9: Pedo Papers, iCrap Unveiling, Sherpa Tantrums, Hon Hon Hon Gov’t Go Boom, Sandpit Fireworks
Elephant Reads CNN

5 Things 2 Know on 9/9: Pedo Papers, iCrap Unveiling, Sherpa Tantrums, Hon Hon Hon Gov’t Go Boom, Sandpit Fireworks

Big ElephantSeptember 9, 2025September 9, 2025

Another day, another dollar wasted on socialist nonsense instead of MAGA! CNN’s “5 Things” is back, and predictably, it’s filled…

Slow Horses Season 5 Trailer: Because Apparently People Still Watch This
Breaking, Movie News

Slow Horses Season 5 Trailer: Because Apparently People Still Watch This

FinnSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

Behold! Apple TV+, desperate for your $9.99/month, just dropped a trailer for season five of Slow Horses, the “critically acclaimed”…

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)
Elephant Reads CNN

Taco Bell’s Y2K Menu: Because You Asked For It (Said No One Ever)

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by woke corporations to pander to the easily-influenced masses! Taco Bell, succumbing to the siren…

HONOR’s Magic V5: So Thin It Might Disappear, Now with Enough AI to Order Pizza For You, Europe’s So Lucky
Breaking

HONOR’s Magic V5: So Thin It Might Disappear, Now with Enough AI to Order Pizza For You, Europe’s So Lucky

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

Oh, look, another foldable phone! 🙄 HONOR, who? Apparently, they’ve graced us with the Magic V5, which they’re calling “the…

Jessica Chastain’s Back: Prepare for Peak Thrills (and Maybe Some Overacting)
Breaking, Movie News

Jessica Chastain’s Back: Prepare for Peak Thrills (and Maybe Some Overacting)

FinnAugust 27, 2025August 27, 2025

Hold onto your hats, folks, because Apple TV+ just dropped the trailer for The Savant! 🎉 Starring none other than…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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