Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Five

Campari Goes All In On Pink Drinks Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Campari Goes All In On Pink Drinks Because Why Not

Big ElephantSeptember 26, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest attempt to get Americans to drink more, and I have to…

Bond Market Having Total Meltdown Because Oil
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Bond Market Having Total Meltdown Because Oil

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the bond market, and folks, it’s been a wild ride. Bond yields are…

Madness embarks on yet another not quite final performance at Rock N Roll Circus
Breaking, Music News

Madness embarks on yet another not quite final performance at Rock N Roll Circus

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2026September 25, 2026

Well, well, well, it looks like the circus is coming to town, and I’m not just talking about the latest…

Megadeth somehow still relevant plays tiny rooftop show for industry elites
Breaking, Music News

Megadeth somehow still relevant plays tiny rooftop show for industry elites

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2026September 25, 2026

Oh no, you guys, MEGADETH just did a thing and I’m still trying to pick my jaw up from the…

Trump’s Genius Plan: Give Voters the Opposite of Their Heart’s Desire
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genius Plan: Give Voters the Opposite of Their Heart’s Desire

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. According to new CNN/SSRS polls, voters are clear about what they…

Oh joy, U2’s back, because we all needed another encore
Breaking, Music News

Oh joy, U2’s back, because we all needed another encore

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 24, 2026September 24, 2026

U2, because apparently retirement is just a suggestion, has announced their first album of new material in nine years, Carnaval…

Andy Biersack Already Tired Of Next Black Veil Brides Album
Breaking, Music News

Andy Biersack Already Tired Of Next Black Veil Brides Album

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 23, 2026September 24, 2026

OMG, you guys, BLACK VEIL BRIDES is finally going to release new music soon! 🤩 I mean, it’s not like…

Logitech G peddles revamped PRO gear to pros and wannabes alike
Breaking

Logitech G peddles revamped PRO gear to pros and wannabes alike

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 23, 2026September 23, 2026

Because what every gamer really needs is another expensive peripheral to add to their arsenal, Logitech G has announced its…

Iggy Pop Finally Gets Award For Still Having Ears After Years Of Headbanging
Breaking, Music News

Iggy Pop Finally Gets Award For Still Having Ears After Years Of Headbanging

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 23, 2026September 23, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some mind-blowing news? 🤯 Iggy Pop, the godfather of punk rock, is being…

Texas Prisons Get Air Conditioning Just in Time for Next Century
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Prisons Get Air Conditioning Just in Time for Next Century

Big ElephantSeptember 23, 2026

I’m sitting here sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from Texas, where a federal judge has ordered…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 5 6 7 … 26 Next

Latest posts

  • California Counties Told To Quarantine Suspicious Ballots
  • Hannity and EarhardtParty with Trump PreWedding
  • Atlanta ICE building gets free fire renovation courtesy of local resident
  • Justice Served With Extra Helping of Tragedy
  • Queensryche Still Exists And People Are For Some Reason Excited

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.