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Pentagon Slashes Mark Kelly’s Pension Because He Dared to Speak Truth to Power (Or Just Made a Video)
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Pentagon Slashes Mark Kelly’s Pension Because He Dared to Speak Truth to Power (Or Just Made a Video)

Big ElephantJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Trump’s Pentagon Declares War on Retired Navy Captain for Daring to Tell Troops to Obey the Law In a stunning…

Greenland 2: Migration – The Final Trailer (Because Apparently the First One Was Just a Warm-Up for the Ice Age)
Breaking, Movie News

Greenland 2: Migration – The Final Trailer (Because Apparently the First One Was Just a Warm-Up for the Ice Age)

FinnJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

Get ready to witness the cinematic masterpiece of the decade: GREENLAND 2: MIGRATION, where survival isn’t just a theme—it’s an…

Report: The Witcher 3 Might Get A New DLC In May 2026—Because CD Projekt Really Missed Us Paying For More Than 10 Years
Breaking

Report: The Witcher 3 Might Get A New DLC In May 2026—Because CD Projekt Really Missed Us Paying For More Than 10 Years

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 5, 2026January 5, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: The Witcher 3 is Rising from the Grave Like a Reanimated Kikimora in May 2026 🧟‍♂️⚔️📅 Yes, you…

Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road Deserves Space in Your Steam Library
Breaking, Games News

Monsters are Coming! Rock & Road Deserves Space in Your Steam Library

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

Move Over, Grandma—The Real Survivors Are Here! Monsters Are Coming! Rock & Road Is the Only Game That Lets You…

How a Dictator’s Legal Disaster Predicts Maduro’s Courtroom Comedy Show
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

How a Dictator’s Legal Disaster Predicts Maduro’s Courtroom Comedy Show

Big ElephantJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

Leftist Legal Circus: Venezuela’s Maduro Joins the “Dictator Defense Club” as Biden Admin Tries to Pull a Panama 2.0 In…

Zach’s Back: Live in Miami (and Other Cities That Exist)
Live

Zach’s Back: Live in Miami (and Other Cities That Exist)

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 4, 2026

Zach Margs is back in Miami, baby! 🎤 After selling out shows globally and racking up millions of views online,…

MORTAL SIN’s MAT MAURER Confirms New Music: ‘It’s Been Discussed’ (Translation: ‘We’ve Talked About It Over Beer’)
Breaking, Music News

MORTAL SIN’s MAT MAURER Confirms New Music: ‘It’s Been Discussed’ (Translation: ‘We’ve Talked About It Over Beer’)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 4, 2026January 4, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Mortal Sin Announces 2026 Return — Because Apparently 15 Years of Peace Wasn’t Enough 🚨 In a move…

SKINDRED’s BENJI WEBBE: ‘I Pump Iron So Hard My Brain Finally Shows Up To Work’
Breaking, Music News

SKINDRED’s BENJI WEBBE: ‘I Pump Iron So Hard My Brain Finally Shows Up To Work’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

Benji Webbe Just Invented Motivation, And It’s Called ‘You Got This’ (Also, He Goes To The Gym A Lot) In…

New Year’s Eve Casino Royale: Taye Diggs and Larenz Tate Bet on Your Wallet
Live

New Year’s Eve Casino Royale: Taye Diggs and Larenz Tate Bet on Your Wallet

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 30, 2025

🚨BREAKING: Taye Diggs & Larenz Tate to Host Casino Royale Gala Where Mac & Cheese is the Real Jackpot! 🎲✨…

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Slams Other Bands’ Farewell Tours Like a Thrash Riff to the Face
Breaking, Music News

MEGADETH’s DAVE MUSTAINE Slams Other Bands’ Farewell Tours Like a Thrash Riff to the Face

Chord F. DiscordDecember 30, 2025December 30, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Dave Mustaine Announces Retirement… Or Is He Just Tired of Tuning His Guitar? 🚨 In a shocking turn…

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Latest posts

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  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: DJT backs Bruce Blakeman over Kathy Hochul for New York Governor
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: 83 statues cleaned and fixed near White House grounds

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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