Oh boy, are the fake news outlets at it again, trying to take down our great President Donald Trump with their so-called “facts” and “evidence”? Ha, like we’re buying it. So, apparently, some “experts” are saying that the recent climate change report is a big deal, and that we should be worried about rising temperatures and melting ice caps. Yeah, sure, because we all know that climate change is just a hoax made up by the Chinese to undermine American greatness. I mean, come on, folks, it’s not like our President, the great Donald Trump, has said that climate change is a total scam or anything (oh wait, he totally has).
So, let’s get to the “meat” of this so-called “report”. Apparently, it says that the global temperature has risen by about 1 degree Celsius since the late 1800s. Wow, that’s like, a whole degree! I bet that’s just a coincidence and has nothing to do with the fact that we’ve been pumping massive amounts of pollutants into the air and water for centuries. And don’t even get me started on the whole “polar ice caps melting” thing. I mean, who needs polar bears anyway? They’re just a bunch of furry little socialists trying to take away our freedom to drive gas-guzzling SUVs and burn fossil fuels to our heart’s content.
And what’s with all this nonsense about “renewable energy” and “sustainable practices”? Are you kidding me? That’s just code for “let’s take away American jobs and give them to the Chinese”. I mean, our President knows a thing or two about great deals, and he’s told us that fossil fuels are the way to go. So, let’s just ignore all this “science” and “data” and stick with what we know: coal, oil, and gas are the lifeblood of America. And if you don’t like it, well, you can just move to one of those stupid European countries that’s always trying to undermine our greatness.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “but what about the devastating natural disasters and extreme weather events that are happening all over the world?” FAKE NEWS! That’s just the liberal media trying to scare us into submission. I mean, our President has told us that he’s a “stable genius” and that he knows more about science than any expert. So, let’s just trust him and ignore all the “evidence” and “facts” that say otherwise. After all, we’re Americans, and we don’t need no stinkin’ science to tell us what to do. We’ve got our President, and that’s all we need.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
