Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: metal

Andi Deris of HELLOWEEN Was SOOOO Concerned About OZZY’s Health 25 Years Ago, It Kept Him Up at Least 10 Minutes a Night
Breaking, Music News

Andi Deris of HELLOWEEN Was SOOOO Concerned About OZZY’s Health 25 Years Ago, It Kept Him Up at Least 10 Minutes a Night

Chord F. DiscordAugust 3, 2025August 3, 2025

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with Ernest Skinner of Canada’s *checks notes* Border City Rock Talk (never heard of it), HELLOWEEN…

Wacken 2026: Still Alive? Featuring Bands Your Grandpa Listened To
Events

Wacken 2026: Still Alive? Featuring Bands Your Grandpa Listened To

Chord F. DiscordAugust 3, 2025August 3, 2025

Oh, sweet Odin’s beard! 👴 They’re already planning Wacken Open Air 2026? Did we not learn ANYTHING from the mud-fest…

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm
Breaking, Music News

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm

Chord F. DiscordAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Behold, the titans of nu-metal PAPA ROACH, who, after years of relentlessly assaulting our ears with their unique brand of…

1 Hour of Dark Ambient for Deep Space Immersion 🎧🚀
Videos

1 Hour of Dark Ambient for Deep Space Immersion 🎧🚀

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 31, 2025

Immerse yourself in the silent void of Mars ⏳, where time itself has stopped. This one-hour journey, set to the…

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)
Breaking, Music News

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Oh, look, it’s PRIMAL FEAR, those geriatric power metal dudes, bless their cotton socks! They’ve dropped another “banger” called “Tears…

Witness the Glorious Trainwreck: Mariachi Band Violates Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’
Breaking, Music News

Witness the Glorious Trainwreck: Mariachi Band Violates Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Video of the Mariachi Rams, bless their cotton socks 🧦, playing a *slightly* butchered adaptation of the timeless 🕰️ Ozzy…

Ozzy’s Dead, LOL: Fans Get Last Selfies with Corpse-Mobile
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s Dead, LOL: Fans Get Last Selfies with Corpse-Mobile

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Breaking News: The geriatric bat-muncher, Ozzy Osbourne, has FINALLY shuffled off this mortal coil! 🥳 And because we live in…

An Ocean Ov Wonderful, Delightful, Pleasant, Heavenly Paradise
Breaking, Music News

An Ocean Ov Wonderful, Delightful, Pleasant, Heavenly Paradise

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

So, the prevailing wisdom is that TRUE heaviness only exists if your guitar strings are so loose they could double…

Ozzy’s Dead, Charts Go Wild: A Post-Mortem Billboard Bonanza
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s Dead, Charts Go Wild: A Post-Mortem Billboard Bonanza

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

According to Billboard.com, two of Ozzy Osbourne’s classic songs (and by “classic” we mean, like, kinda old) have FINALLY made…

All Hell in Charlotte, NC (07/28/2025)
Videos

All Hell in Charlotte, NC (07/28/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyJuly 29, 2025

Black Thrash n’ Roll from Asheville, NC! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 93 94 95 … 144 Next

Latest posts

  • Get Ready for Chaos and Overpriced Food at the Los Angeles World Cup 26 Fan Zone at LA Union Station
  • Lose Weight with Our Totally Not Boring Group Clinics Because You Clearly Need to Be Told What to Eat
  • Oh No Greta Lee and Wagner Moura are Totally Not Getting Out of This Ridiculously Overhyped Movie Trailer for Louis Leterrier’s The Last House
  • Mitch McConnell crawling back to power like the swamp creature he is
  • MOONSPELL finally ran out of vampire novelty checks and had to actually try on their next album far from god after Fernando Ribeiro almost lost his goth card for not being edgy enough

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}