Oh boy, here we go again! 🙄 EVERGREY, those Swedish metal… *things*, are back with a new song called “Oxygen”. Because apparently, the world needed more of that. 🤷♂️ They’re trying to sound all deep and edgy, singing about depression and inner struggles. Real original, guys. 😂 And get this, they’ve got a new drummer, Simen Sandnes! Like, who even cares? 🤣 They also have a “fresh production team” which includes EVERGREY’s fearless leader Tom S. Englund and some dude named Vikram Shankar. 😴 And to top it off, they got Adam “Nolly” Getgood to mix it! Wow, they really pulled out all the stops to sound exactly like PERIPHERY, SLEEP TOKEN and ARCHITECTS! 🤡 They say “Oxygen” is a desperate plea and a cathartic release. I say it’s a desperate plea for attention. 🥺
So, mark your calendars, folks! 🗓️ On November 10th, EVERGREY will be gracing stages across Europe with their presence. 💃 They’re teaming up with Napalm labelmates KATATONIA, because misery loves company, right? 😂 And to make things even more exciting, KLOGR will be there too! I’m sure the audience will be thrilled! 🤩 They’re playing 32 shows, starting in Turku, Finland and ending in Stockholm, Sweden. Because who wouldn’t want to spend six weeks listening to EVERGREY? 🤮
EVERGREY “comments”: “We’re thrilled to unleash our new single, ‘Oxygen’.” 🙄 Oh, are you now? I’m sure everyone else is equally thrilled. NOT. 🤣 “This is EVERGREY at our most explosive.” 💥 Yeah, explosive-ly boring! 😴 “Almost certainly our heaviest track yet.” 🏋️♀️ Oh wow, groundbreaking. “Packed with crushing riffs.” 🚜 I bet those riffs are just *so* crushing. 🙄 “Vibrant key changes.” 🌈 Key changes? In *this* economy? 🤨 “Soaring melodies that’ll awaken your soul.” 😇 My soul is already dead from listening to EVERGREY. 💀 “Lyrically, it embodies the raw, suffocating weight of an inner darkness.” 🖤 So deep, so meaningful. 🙄 “Yet symbolizes the relentless never-ending war to break free and grasp that fleeting breath of hope.” 🕊️ Wow, so inspiring. I think I’m gonna cry. 😭 “We’ve bled for this one.” 🩸 I bet you have. 😫 “And can’t wait for you to live in its intensity.” 🔥 Oh, I’m sure we’ll all be living in its intensity for years to come. NOT. 🤣 “Because this is us like you’ve never heard before.” 👂 Yeah, because I usually have the common sense to turn it off. 🧠
The artwork for “Oxygen” was created by Mattias Norén of Progart Media. 🎨 I’m sure it’s just as edgy and depressing as the music. 🖤
And let’s not forget about Jonas Ekdahl, the former drummer who left because he actually wanted to do something creative. 💡 He said he no longer found joy in touring. ✈️ I wonder why? 🤔 Maybe because he had to play with EVERGREY every night. 🤷♀️
EVERGREY’s fourteenth studio album, “Theories Of Emptiness”, came out in June 2024. 🎉 I’m sure it’s full of more existential angst and crushing riffs. 🚜 The album was produced by Englund and Ekdahl, and mixed by Getgood. They really went all out to make it sound as generic as possible. 💯 Rounding out the album’s production, mastering was helmed by Thomas “Plec” Johansson. 👨🦰 I’m sure he did a great job of making it sound… like music. 🎶
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
