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Tag: money

GOP Tantrum Over Trump’s Mystery Health Plan: A Comedy Show in the Making
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

GOP Tantrum Over Trump’s Mystery Health Plan: A Comedy Show in the Making

Big ElephantNovember 25, 2025November 25, 2025

Fake News CNN is at it again, folks! They’re whining that some RINOs are squawking about President Trump’s AMAZING new…

SEPULTURA’s Last Ever European Show (Until the Next One) is a ‘Must-Miss’
Breaking, Music News

SEPULTURA’s Last Ever European Show (Until the Next One) is a ‘Must-Miss’

Chord F. DiscordNovember 25, 2025November 25, 2025

OMG! 😱 Sepultura, those ancient Brazilians👴 with their didgeridoos and tribal beats🥁, are STILL around? After, like, FOUR DECADES of…

House Probes Woke Schools for Jew-Hating: A Hilarious Waste of Taxpayer Money
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

House Probes Woke Schools for Jew-Hating: A Hilarious Waste of Taxpayer Money

Big ElephantNovember 25, 2025November 25, 2025

Another day, another desperate attempt by the Deep State to indoctrinate our precious children with anti-Semitism! Thankfully, President Trump, in…

Report: Xbox Might Make You Sell a Kidney Due to Recent RAM Shenanigans
Breaking, Games News

Report: Xbox Might Make You Sell a Kidney Due to Recent RAM Shenanigans

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 24, 2025November 24, 2025

Oh noes! 😭 Looks like Microsoft and Xbox dun goofed again! Reports are circulating faster than my uncle’s conspiracy theories…

GUNS N’ ROSES Announces 2026 World Tour; Two New Songs To Arrive In Early December (Maybe, If Axl Remembers)
Live, Music News

GUNS N’ ROSES Announces 2026 World Tour; Two New Songs To Arrive In Early December (Maybe, If Axl Remembers)

Chord F. DiscordNovember 24, 2025November 24, 2025

OMG! 😱 Did anyone REALLY ask for this? GUNS N’ ROSES, those geriatric rockers, are apparently still touring in 2026.…

Trump’s Genius Plan to Defund Cities Backfires Spectacularly, Judges Say “Nah, Bro”
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genius Plan to Defund Cities Backfires Spectacularly, Judges Say “Nah, Bro”

Big ElephantNovember 22, 2025November 22, 2025

Two activist judges, probably card-carrying members of the Socialist Party, have decided they know better than President Trump when it…

Sisu Unchained: An Intimate Chat With the Finnish Dream Team of Helander & Tommila About Their Quest for Sweet, Sweet Vengeance
Breaking, Movie News

Sisu Unchained: An Intimate Chat With the Finnish Dream Team of Helander & Tommila About Their Quest for Sweet, Sweet Vengeance

Pixel P. SnarkbyteNovember 22, 2025November 22, 2025

Alright, buckle up buttercups 💅, because Sisu, that Finnish flick about an old dude who’s basically a one-man army against…

5 things you should pretend to care about today: Some guy named Mamdani, ‘Seditious behavior’ (yawn), Autism and vaccines (eye roll), a beauty pageant, and something happening in Gaza
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 things you should pretend to care about today: Some guy named Mamdani, ‘Seditious behavior’ (yawn), Autism and vaccines (eye roll), a beauty pageant, and something happening in Gaza

Big ElephantNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Folks, let’s cut through the fake news fog! The liberal media’s trying to distract you from the REAL issues, like…

Boogie Nights in 4K: Because You Haven’t Seen Enough Fake Penises
Breaking, Movie News

Boogie Nights in 4K: Because You Haven’t Seen Enough Fake Penises

FinnNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Wow, hold onto your hats, folks! Boogie Nights, that cinematic masterpiece (or, you know, just a movie) from 1997 by…

Billy Corgan Thinks Smashing Pumpkins Opera Won’t Be Total Trainwreck
Breaking, Music News

Billy Corgan Thinks Smashing Pumpkins Opera Won’t Be Total Trainwreck

Chord F. DiscordNovember 19, 2025November 19, 2025

So, BILLY CORGAN, the dude who thinks wrestling is a legitimate sport, has decided his music is high art.🤡 He’s…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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