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Tag: News

5 Things to Know for Dec. 24: Epstein Files, National Guard, Nursing Home Explosion, Student Loans, Weight Loss Drugs | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

5 Things to Know for Dec. 24: Epstein Files, National Guard, Nursing Home Explosion, Student Loans, Weight Loss Drugs | CNN

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Leftist Deep State Drops Another Batch of Epstein Files, and Guess Who’s Mentioned 47 Times? (Hint: It’s the Orange Man)…

Hollywood Minute: Taylor Swift Spends $1 Million on Food Banks Because Apparently Bribing the Grammys Wasn’t Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hollywood Minute: Taylor Swift Spends $1 Million on Food Banks Because Apparently Bribing the Grammys Wasn’t Enough

Big ElephantDecember 24, 2025December 24, 2025

Another Day, Another Million: Taylor Swift’s Communist Cash Flood Keeps Flowing While America Starves for Freedom In a stunning display…

Epstein Survivor Declares We Are Not Imaginary, Despite What the Conspiracy Theorists Say
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Epstein Survivor Declares We Are Not Imaginary, Despite What the Conspiracy Theorists Say

Big ElephantDecember 23, 2025December 23, 2025

Epstein Survivor Claims She’s Not a Hoax: The Left’s Latest Victim Narrative Exposed In a stunning display of what can…

Diving Headfirst Into The Gold River Project—Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Chaos
Breaking, Games News

Diving Headfirst Into The Gold River Project—Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Chaos

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Another Survival Game Wants to Kill You (And It’s Probably Your Fault) 🚨 In a shocking turn…

Com2uS Drops Gachiakuta: The Game Because We Needed Another Anime-To-Game Cash Grab
Breaking, Games News

Com2uS Drops Gachiakuta: The Game Because We Needed Another Anime-To-Game Cash Grab

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Com2uS Announces *Gachiakuta: The Game* – Because We All Needed Another Anime-to-Game Adaptation That No One Asked…

Sony Quietly Extinguishes Indian Gamer’s Horizon Fan Art After Corporate Sumo Match With Tencent
Breaking, Games News

Sony Quietly Extinguishes Indian Gamer’s Horizon Fan Art After Corporate Sumo Match With Tencent

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

🎮 In a Plot Twist No One Saw Coming (Except Everyone with Eyes), Sony and Tencent Have Officially Agreed to…

Stardew Valley 1.7 Update: The Long-Awaited Revolution That Might Actually Happen This Time
Breaking, Games News

Stardew Valley 1.7 Update: The Long-Awaited Revolution That Might Actually Happen This Time

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Stardew Valley Update 1.7 Is Happening ‘Very Soon’™ — Creator Eric Barone Emerges From Pixelated Cave to Tease…

Paramount’s New Deal to Warner Bros. Discovery: Larry Ellison Promises $40 Billion and a Free Trip to Mars
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Paramount’s New Deal to Warner Bros. Discovery: Larry Ellison Promises $40 Billion and a Free Trip to Mars

Big ElephantDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

What a Time to Be Alive: Larry Ellison Pledges His Entire Fortune to Save Hollywood from the Streaming Apocalypse In…

WITHERING SCORN’s New Album: All Done, Just Like Your Last Relationship
Breaking, Music News

WITHERING SCORN’s New Album: All Done, Just Like Your Last Relationship

Chord F. DiscordDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

🎸 METAL DRUMMER’S NEW BAND FINALLY FINISHES SECOND ALBUM AFTER OMITTING ‘TOO COMMERCIAL’ TRACK 🤘 In a shocking twist that…

When the Choir Runs Out of Hymns, They Start Singing at Your Wallet
Events

When the Choir Runs Out of Hymns, They Start Singing at Your Wallet

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 21, 2025

Good news, everyone! Your tickets for the “Community Sing and Fundraiser” have officially expired! 🎉 (Because apparently, the event ended…

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  • Get Ready for Chaos and Overpriced Food at the Los Angeles World Cup 26 Fan Zone at LA Union Station
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  • Oh No Greta Lee and Wagner Moura are Totally Not Getting Out of This Ridiculously Overhyped Movie Trailer for Louis Leterrier’s The Last House
  • Mitch McConnell crawling back to power like the swamp creature he is
  • MOONSPELL finally ran out of vampire novelty checks and had to actually try on their next album far from god after Fernando Ribeiro almost lost his goth card for not being edgy enough

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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