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Tag: Woke

Manhattan Shooting: Thoughts and Prayers Edition, Cops Still Clueless
Elephant Reads CNN

Manhattan Shooting: Thoughts and Prayers Edition, Cops Still Clueless

Big ElephantJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Oh, the horror! Another day, another tragedy in our once-great nation. Seems like even with President Trump making America great…

Viktor Gyökeres: Is This the Guy Who’s Gonna Save Arsenal? LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

Viktor Gyökeres: Is This the Guy Who’s Gonna Save Arsenal? LOL

Big ElephantJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Another European socialist infiltrates our sacred sport! Viktor Gyökeres, likely funded by Soros, joins Arsenal, a club known for its…

Inside 345 Park Avenue: A Totally Normal Day Until, You Know, *That* Happened
Elephant Reads CNN

Inside 345 Park Avenue: A Totally Normal Day Until, You Know, *That* Happened

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Folks, can you believe what happened in New York City? Another day, another mass shooting, and where does it happen?…

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)
Breaking, Music News

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

BUSH, those lovable relics from the mid-90s who are still somehow kicking, have graced us with a music video for…

Democrat’s Brainwave: A+ Plan to Save the Dems (Spoiler: It Involves Rainbows and Unicorns)
Elephant Reads CNN

Democrat’s Brainwave: A+ Plan to Save the Dems (Spoiler: It Involves Rainbows and Unicorns)

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, no! The Deep State’s funding is being cut! How will they push their woke agenda now? Of course, the…

MCU’s X-Men: Now With 90% More Teen Angst, Says Guy Who Should Know
Breaking, Movie News

MCU’s X-Men: Now With 90% More Teen Angst, Says Guy Who Should Know

FinnJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Kevin “The Manipulator” Feige has spoken! 🗣️ And guess what? He’s got *another* X-Men movie…

Colorado Dentist’s Trial: Did He Really Off His Wife With Poison or Was It Just a Bad Root Canal
Elephant Reads CNN

Colorado Dentist’s Trial: Did He Really Off His Wife With Poison or Was It Just a Bad Root Canal

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Another day, another Deep State plot foiled… or at least, exposed for what it is! They’re trying to frame a…

Trump’s Genius Plan to Make Sure No One Listens to NPR: A CNN Business Masterpiece
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Genius Plan to Make Sure No One Listens to NPR: A CNN Business Masterpiece

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

Oh, the horror! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is cutting a measly $1.1 billion from the Corporation for Public…

UGLY KID JOE Claims to Have Written ‘A Gazillion’ Songs (Yeah, Right) For Upcoming Album
Breaking, Music News

UGLY KID JOE Claims to Have Written ‘A Gazillion’ Songs (Yeah, Right) For Upcoming Album

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

In a recent chat with “Reckless” Rexx Ruger of the prestigious (ahem) Pod Scum podcast, UGLY KID JOE’s very own…

Spirit Airlines to Fire a Bunch of Pilots and Make the Rest Feel Bad Because Nobody Wants to Fly Spirit Anyway
Elephant Reads CNN

Spirit Airlines to Fire a Bunch of Pilots and Make the Rest Feel Bad Because Nobody Wants to Fly Spirit Anyway

Big ElephantJuly 28, 2025July 28, 2025

Folks, can you believe what these woke airlines are doing now? Spirit Airlines, probably run by some tree-hugging, socialist CEO,…

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  • Because the World Needed Another Sherlock Holmes Sequel Apparently
  • Because What Hollywood Needs Is More Consolidation Of Film Culture

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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