Microsoft to Fire 9,000 Employees: Is This the End of Windows 95?
Folks, can you believe this? Microsoft, that bastion of woke capital, is laying off THOUSANDS! Probably because they’re too busy…
Day: July 2, 2025
FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle
Read MoreThe OnionSILVER SPRING, MD—Issuing a public warning for Americans to watch or they might miss out, the U.S. Food…
Elon Musk’s New Political Party: Because Rocket Science Wasn’t Hard Enough
Elon Musk, the left’s shiny new toy, is threatening to start his own “America party” because he’s “disappointed” in our…
Denis Villeneuve Directing Bond? More Like Bore-is Villeneuve
OMG! 😱 Denis Villeneuve, the guy who made sand look interesting for 3 hours, is directing the new James Bond…
Oasis Milks (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? for 30th Anniversary Cash Grab
Oasis, those purveyors of slightly-above-average Britpop, have announced details of deluxe formats of (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? to celebrate the album…
Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN
Another day, another example of the radical left’s agenda to undermine justice and appease criminals! CNN is reporting that a…
Nintendo Accidentally Reveals Switch 2 Sales Projections, Claims It Was Just a Typo, LOL
Oh, the Nintendo Switch 2, that little plastic box of dreams (and crushing debt for your parents). Apparently, it was…
“Our Secrets Are The Same,” Yawn, Said Jim Kerr and Charlie Burchill, As If We Care
Our Secrets Are The Same is supposedly a “remarkable” joint memoir by Simple Minds founding members Jim Kerr and Charlie…
Leaked: John Roberts’ Guide to Supreme Court Domination (As Told By CNN)
Ah, CNN, still trying to undermine our glorious President Trump even in his second term! This time, they’re whining about…
Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up
Folks, are you ready for some hard-hitting journalism? CNN is reporting that Chuck E. Cheese, yes, that bastion of family…