🙄 OMG, get ready to clutch your pearls, because those Grammy-hoarding, allegedly “progressive” (debatable, tbh) music titans, DREAM THEATER, are dropping “Quarantième: Live À Paris” on November 28 via their sugar daddy, Inside Out Music/Sony Music. Like, who even asked for this? 🤷♀️ Oh, and they’ve graced us with a SECOND performance video from this snoozefest, “Barstool Warrior”. Spoiler alert: it’s about as exciting as watching paint dry. 😴
“Quarantième: Live À Paris” (try saying that five times fast) apparently immortalizes DREAM THEATER‘s gig on November 23, 2024, at the Adidas Arena in Paris, France. Because what’s more thrilling than reliving a concert you probably didn’t attend? 🇫🇷 It’s from their oh-so-important 40th-anniversary tour of Europe, featuring the usual suspects: James LaBrie (still hitting those notes… barely), John Petrucci (shredding like it’s 1999), John Myung (the silent ninja of bass), Jordan Rudess (wizard fingers on those keys 🧙♂️), and, drumroll please, Mike Portnoy (back from the dead…err, I mean, hiatus). The setlist is allegedly a “career-spanning” journey, which basically means they’re gonna play the same songs they’ve been playing for the last four decades. 🥱
Petrucci (aka Captain Obvious) bleats: “From the moment we announced our 40th-anniversary tour, we knew it would be a very special event.” No, really? Groundbreaking revelation! 🙄 “With this release, our performance in Paris is presented so beautifully…” Translation: “We spent a ton of money on cameras and editing, so you better buy it!” 💰
And then there’s Portnoy, who, bless his heart, says: “We always knew this tour would be unforgettable.” 🙄 Because nothing says “unforgettable” like another reunion cash grab! 💸 “The excitement and emotions between us and our fans were palpable and totally off the charts!” Sure, Mike, whatever you say. Maybe lay off the hyperbole a little? 🤔
The album (because who doesn’t need more live albums, amirite?) comes in a bajillion formats. There’s a limited deluxe 3CD+3Blu-ray artbook (because apparently the music isn’t enough, you need a 68-page photo album too), a special edition 3CD+2Blu-ray Digipak (say that five times fast), a limited deluxe 180g 4LP boxset (for all you vinyl hipsters out there 🤘), and, of course, digitally (for the rest of us). The Blu-ray boasts Dolby Atmos, 5.1 Surround Sound, and high-resolution stereo audio because apparently regular audio just isn’t good enough anymore. 🙄
The track listing is basically a greatest hits compilation, but live! So, you know, slightly different! 🤪
CD1:
01. Metropolis Pt. 1 (Because they HAVE to play this one…every…single…show) 😴
02. Overture 1928 (More like Overture 😴😴😴)
03. Strange Déjà Vu (Yep, feels like I’ve heard this before…like, a million times)
04. The Mirror (Reflecting on their past glory days? 🤔)
05. Panic Attack (Accurate representation of how I feel listening to this)
06. Barstool Warrior (Who comes up with these titles? Seriously? 🤦♀️)
07. Hollow Years (My soul feels hollow after this song)
08. Constant Motion (The only thing in constant motion is my urge to skip this)
09. As I Am (More like “As I Was…in 1992”)
CD2:
01. Orchestral Overture (Is it over yet? 😫)
02. Night Terror (Yes, this album is a nightmare)
03. Under A Glass Moon (Still trying to figure out what this song is about)
04. This Is The Life (Is it really though? 😬)
05. Vacant (My brain feels vacant after this)
06. Stream of Consciousness (More like “Stream of Unconsciousness”)
07. Octavarium (They’re still playing this???)
CD3:
01. Home (Take me home, please! 😩)
02. The Spirit Carries On (The spirit of prog rock…or something)
03. Pull Me Under (Pull me under the covers so I can nap through this)
(Blu-ray 1 and 2 are basically the same tracklist as the CDs, but with moving pictures! 🎉)
Portnoy, in a SiriusXM interview, gushed about how this tour is the “biggest the band has ever done.” Uh huh, sure, Jan. 🤔 He also mentioned a new album called “Parasomnia” (sounds like a sleep disorder, which is fitting). Apparently, they’re gonna play the whole thing live. Get your earplugs ready, folks! 🙉
Portnoy also added that the fans are crying at the shows. Probably from boredom. 😴 Or maybe they just miss the good old days when DREAM THEATER was actually…good? 🤷♀️
He says he’s “so thankful” for the reunion. We get it, Mike. You like money. 🤑 And the tour is hitting 30 cities across the United States next year, so get ready for more “unforgettable” evenings of prog-rock mediocrity. 🤮
“Parasomnia” came out on February 7, 2025, and it’s their first album with Portnoy since 2009. So, you know, get excited? Or don’t. Whatever. 🙄 The album was produced by Petrucci and mixed by Andy Sneap (because apparently they needed someone else to blame if it sucks). And Hugh Syme did the cover art. Because why not? 🤷♀️
Six songs on “Parasomnia” are over seven minutes long, and the closing epic “The Shadow Man Incident” clocks in at nearly 20 minutes. Because apparently, they think we have nothing better to do with our time. ⌚
Portnoy, Petrucci, and Myung started DREAM THEATER as MAJESTY in 1985. How majestic. 👑 LaBrie came on board in 1991, and Rudess joined in 1999. The end. 🎬
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
