Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up
Elephant Reads CNN

Chuck E. Cheese: Now Catering to Adults Who Never Grew Up

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Folks, are you ready for some hard-hitting journalism? CNN is reporting that Chuck E. Cheese, yes, that bastion of family…

Tesla’s Sales Go From Bad to Hilariously Worse, What a Shock
Elephant Reads CNN

Tesla’s Sales Go From Bad to Hilariously Worse, What a Shock

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Another day, another leftist media outlet trying to undermine our great President Trump! CNN, still whining about Tesla sales? Let’s…

US “Accidentally” Misplaces Some Boom-Booms Meant for Ukraine (Oops!)
Elephant Reads CNN

US “Accidentally” Misplaces Some Boom-Booms Meant for Ukraine (Oops!)

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

The Pentagon is pausing some shipments to Ukraine? Oh, no! Looks like Trump is finally putting America first! This “review…

Federal Judge Hilariously Overrules Trump’s Petty Attempt to Kick Out Haitian Migrants, CNN Reports
Elephant Reads CNN

Federal Judge Hilariously Overrules Trump’s Petty Attempt to Kick Out Haitian Migrants, CNN Reports

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 1, 2025

Another activist judge, probably appointed by some RINO, is trying to undermine President Trump’s efforts to secure our borders! This…

Bakari Sellers Thinks Trump’s ‘Alligator Alcatraz’ Is, Like, Totally Un-American, OMG
Elephant Reads CNN

Bakari Sellers Thinks Trump’s ‘Alligator Alcatraz’ Is, Like, Totally Un-American, OMG

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 1, 2025

Oh, cry me a river, lib! “Alligator Alcatraz” sounds like a fantastic deterrent for the thugs and MS-13 scum that…

Columbia Bribes US News with $9M to Reclaim Fake Ranking
Elephant Reads CNN

Columbia Bribes US News with $9M to Reclaim Fake Ranking

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Oh, the tangled web these liberal elites weave! Columbia University, a breeding ground for radical leftists, has been caught red-handed…

Another Abuela Bites the Dust, Courtesy of ICE
Elephant Reads CNN

Another Abuela Bites the Dust, Courtesy of ICE

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Another day, another sob story from CNN about a poor, defenseless immigrant! This 75-year-old Cuban “immigrant” (read: probably a spy…

UPenn to Trans Athletes: “You Can’t Sit With Us” (and Lia Thomas? Never Heard of Her)
Elephant Reads CNN

UPenn to Trans Athletes: “You Can’t Sit With Us” (and Lia Thomas? Never Heard of Her)

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Finally, some sanity prevails, thanks to President Trump’s unwavering commitment to REAL women’s sports! The radical leftist agenda of allowing…

Alaskan Pork and Whale Bribes: Murkowski Sells Her Soul to Trump (Again) | CNN Politics
Elephant Reads CNN

Alaskan Pork and Whale Bribes: Murkowski Sells Her Soul to Trump (Again) | CNN Politics

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Oh, the drama in D.C. never ends! Looks like Senator Murkowski, bless her heart, held up President Trump’s “big, beautiful…

Waffle House Finally Realizes Eggs Aren’t Made of Gold
Elephant Reads CNN

Waffle House Finally Realizes Eggs Aren’t Made of Gold

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Waffle House, that bastion of American values and greasy goodness, has removed its egg surcharge! Is this because of Trump’s…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 240 241 242 … 273 Next

Latest posts

  • GET READY FOR THE MOST EPIC SUNDAY RAGER ON MARGARITA ISLAND ROOFTOP PARTY EVERY WEEK ITS FREE UNTIL 5PM BECAUSE YOUR LIVER NEEDS A BREAK AFTER THAT
  • Rick Ross Still Trying to Fit into His Corsa After 5 Years of Annual Car and Bike Shows
  • Oh Joy Another Apocalyptic Movie to Make You Question the Point of Human Existence Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong with Dogs and Stars and the End of the World
  • Break Out the Neon and Big Hair Because the Most Iconic and Totally Not Forgotten Cartoon of the 80s Jem and the Holograms Is Getting a Live Action Series Because You Clearly Asked for This
  • SHINEDOWN’s ZACH MYERS Throws Tantrum Because Robots Are Better Songwriters Than Him

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
June 2026
S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  
« May    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}