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Author: Big Elephant

Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.

Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.

Oh, No, Not Again: J.D. Vance Butts Into Israel, Because Peace Was Just *Too* Boring
Elephant Reads CNN

Oh, No, Not Again: J.D. Vance Butts Into Israel, Because Peace Was Just *Too* Boring

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, CNN is clutching their pearls again! Apparently, they’re “concerned” that the ceasefire in Israel, brokered by our glorious President…

Pilot Throws Tantrum After Forgetting Flight Attendants Exist, Hears Imaginary Cockpit Gremlins
Elephant Reads CNN

Pilot Throws Tantrum After Forgetting Flight Attendants Exist, Hears Imaginary Cockpit Gremlins

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? Another airline incident! You just know some radical leftist was trying to storm the cockpit,…

From Bagpipes to Prison Bars: American Tourist’s Scottish Detour Ends in Utah Jail Cell
Elephant Reads CNN

From Bagpipes to Prison Bars: American Tourist’s Scottish Detour Ends in Utah Jail Cell

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Another day, another victory for justice! A Utah judge has finally thrown the book at Nicholas Rossi, a man who…

Analysis: Government Shutdown Crisis: A Comedy of Errors in Zero Acts
Elephant Reads CNN

Analysis: Government Shutdown Crisis: A Comedy of Errors in Zero Acts

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, the horror! The radical Democrats, in cahoots with the Deep State, are at it again, trying to undermine our…

From American Dream to ‘Meh-rica’: How Trump’s Visa Drama Sent Students Running for the Border (and Other Countries)
Elephant Reads CNN

From American Dream to ‘Meh-rica’: How Trump’s Visa Drama Sent Students Running for the Border (and Other Countries)

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, the horror! It seems that fewer Indian students are flocking to our glorious American universities, all thanks to President…

Wall Street’s Chill Pill: Why Israel and Iran Might Finally Make Them Care | CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Wall Street’s Chill Pill: Why Israel and Iran Might Finally Make Them Care | CNN Business

Big ElephantOctober 21, 2025October 21, 2025

Oh, the delicate global markets are “calm” amidst the Israel-Iran spat, says CNN. Calm like a sleeping rattlesnake, folks! These…

Wall Street’s Spooky Season: More Like Spooked-y Then Gone-y
Elephant Reads CNN

Wall Street’s Spooky Season: More Like Spooked-y Then Gone-y

Big ElephantOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Oh, Wall Street’s having a little boo-boo? How precious. The snowflakes on Wall Street finally got spooked by something other…

Biden Nukes Cancer with Rays, Still Kicking Strong
Elephant Reads CNN

Biden Nukes Cancer with Rays, Still Kicking Strong

Big ElephantOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Old Joe’s Still Kicking…Probably Just to Further the Socialist Agenda! The failing CNN reports that Prostate Joe, I mean, Biden,…

OMG, They’re Attacking James Comey’s BFF Lawyer?! CNN Freaks Out
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG, They’re Attacking James Comey’s BFF Lawyer?! CNN Freaks Out

Big ElephantOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Looks like the Deep State’s swamp creatures are at it again! The Justice Department, probably infiltrated by more disgruntled liberals,…

Kada Scott Update: Officials Finally Found Her (Behind a School, No Less)
Elephant Reads CNN

Kada Scott Update: Officials Finally Found Her (Behind a School, No Less)

Big ElephantOctober 20, 2025October 20, 2025

Another day, another tragedy in a Democrat-run city! Philadelphia, folks, where Soros-backed D.A. Larry Krasner is too busy “upholding the…

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