Chipotle Planning First Location In Mexico
Read MoreThe OnionChipotle has announced plans to expand into Mexico, sharing that their first restaurant will open early next year.…
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Meow! 😹 Peter Criss, the catman who used to hit things in KISS, is rounding up a circus of ringers for his “hard rock” comeback, because why not? 🤷♂️
Hold onto your dentures, KISS Army, because the Catman is back…again! 🤣 Yes, Peter Criss, the legendary (or legendarily inconsistent,…
Behold! The Thursday Murder Club: Geriatric Justice League or Just a Bunch of Old Folks Yelling at Clouds? 👵🕵️♀️🤔
OMG! 🚨 Netflix is FINALLY unleashing “The Thursday Murder Club” on us! 👴👵🔫 Get ready for geriatric James Bond (Pierce…
Ignorant Kids Have No Idea How Cool Dad Is
SLIDELL, LA — According to sources, the children of local father Jaxon Holt are completely ignorant of how cool their…
Marco Rubio Announces Overhaul Of ‘Bloated’ State Department
Read MoreThe OnionSecretary of State Marco Rubio has announced plans to make sweeping cuts to the State Department, which he…
Tate McWhoopsie-Daisies Teams Up With Country’s Favorite Controversy Cowpoke for a Duet That’s Sure to Trigger Everyone (and no one will remember in a week 🙄)
OMG! 😱 Tate McRae, our pristine pop princess, has been caught in the act! She’s slumming it with none other…
Neil DeGrasse Tyson Debunks 12 Popular Song Lyrics
Music, while thoroughly enjoyable and a beautiful form of artistic expression, is often full of logical fallacies and outright misinformation.…
Elle Fanning and the Basketball Predator: What in the Galaxy is Going On in “Predator: Badlands”? 😂🤦♀️👽
Hold onto your space pants, moviegoers! 20th Century Studios just dropped the trailer for the new “Predator” movie, and the…
‘You’re Going To Make It,’ Says TV ER Doctor To Patient Who’s Definitely Going To Die At The End Of The Episode
U.S. — A new episode of hit hospital drama Danger Hospital started with a bang an ER doctor told a…
Vatican Coroner Confirms Eucharistic Overdose
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—In a stunning discovery that revealed the full extent of the pontiff’s addiction, Vatican coroner Fernando Ruini…