Small Town Kind Where Everyone Leaves Chastity Belts Unlocked
Read MoreThe OnionAMESVILLE, OH—Explaining that the tight-knit community was built upon a strong foundation of trust, residents of this small…
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Florida Man Tries to Trade Alligator for Beer, World Briefly Makes Sense 🤪
Florida, the land of sunshine, alligators, and questionable life choices, has done it again! On July 17th, 2024 (a date…
Cain Raises $1,000,000 In Crowdfunding Donations After Killing Abel
EAST OF EDEN — Public opinion was heavily divided this week after accused murderer Cain raised $1,000,000 in crowdfunding donations…
UK Stabbing Suspect Pleads Muslim
LONDON — Prosecutors were stopped in their tracks this week and left with no recourse to pursue the case any…
‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory
Read MoreThe OnionEAST HANOVER, NJ—As part of the health secretary’s highly publicized pledge to determine the cause of the disorder…
Liberals Warn Enforcing Immigration Law Is A Slippery Slope That May Lead To Enforcing Other Laws
U.S. — With politicians and pundits still involved in heated debates over the legality of the deportation of an MS-13…
Catholic Scholars Confirm Purgatory Consists Of Helping Third Graders With Math For Hundreds Of Years
VATICAN CITY — Distinguished canon law scholars in the Roman Catholic church have just confirmed that Purgatory consists of helping…
Nation Can’t Believe It On Harvard’s Side
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Nation Can’t Believe It On Harvard’s Side appeared first on The Onion.
Democrats Call For An Individual Court Hearing For Everyone On Earth To Prove They Aren’t American Citizens
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As controversy swirls over the deportation of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, Democrat politicians have joined together to call…
Woman Charged With Selling Human Bones On Facebook Marketplace
Read MoreThe OnionA curio shop owner was arrested and charged for allegedly selling “genuine human remains” online, attempting to pass…