Trump Doesn’t Rule Out Possibility Of Becoming Immortal Emperor Of Mankind For Next 10,000 Years
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump assuaged fears that he would seek an unconstitutional third term as President by suggesting he…
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Dietary Restrict-Funs
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Dietary Restrict-Funs appeared first on The Onion.
Here’s A Pickup Line To Use On A Girl Of Each Christian Denomination
If you’re a Christian guy looking to find a godly wife, you know it can be hard to start a…
“Blade” on Hold: Vampires Take a Timeout for Manicures and Cooking Shows 🍿🧛♂️
Hollywood is buzzing with excitement once again! 🎬 This time, the spotlight is on the beleaguered project “Blade,” which has…
Man Spends Afternoon Volunteering Opinions About The Homeless
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—Saying he found the activity enriched his life and provided him with a real sense of purpose,…
JD Vance Sweetens Deal By Offering Statue Of Liberty To Greenland
GREENLAND — In a bid to sweeten the offer of becoming an American territory, Vice President JD Vance has offered…
🤔 The Legendary Half-Life 3 Is Finally Here, But There’s a Catch… 🤯
The Jackal.Today editorial team sniffed around through our secret channels (yes, we have people even in Valve’s basement, where Gabe…
Kid Outed As Homeschooler After Looking Adult In The Eyes While Talking
PLANO, TX — Local seven-year-old Benjamin Gunther was outed as a homeschooler after he looked an adult directly in the…
Lego Introduces ‘California Home’ Set Where Kids Fill Out Permit And Wait 2 Years For Approval
LEGOLAND, CA — Representatives from LEGO gathered at Legoland in San Diego to unveil a new series of building sets…
Man Holds Off On Reading Bible So As Not To Ruin Suspense Of ‘Passion Of The Christ’ Sequel
RUIDOSO, NM — Local man Pete Blanton has decided to refrain from reading the Bible so as not to dampen…