Building Shitty Gingerbread House Just Making Depression Worse
Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that…
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8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises
Is there any group of people that work harder than Congressmen? No. No there is not. And yet, these poor,…
Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! appeared first on The Onion.
Disgusting: New Woke Superman Movie Features Guy Wearing Underwear Over His Pants
WOKE ALERT! Hollywood is once again bringing its not-so-secret GAY AGENDA into your home with the new Superman film which…
Ignorant Boomer Tries To Pay With Cash
MILWAUKEE, WI — Recent security camera footage of Martha Holmes shows that the 73-year-old Wisconsin native ignorantly attempted to use…
🎶 Dave Grohl’s Daughter’s Band Drummer Fears «”Hawkins Destiny”» — And Backup Vocalist Channels Kurt Cobain! 🎤
Violet Grohl, the 18 – year – old daughter of rock legend Dave Grohl, is making waves with her upcoming…
Experts Recommend Putting Injured Person In Some Sort Of Cylindrical Tank Filled With Fluid
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school…
13 Most Surprising Things In The New Spending Bill
Ostensibly designed to merely keep the government open until March, suspicions arose that the new spending bill may have a…
Congress Warns Failure To Pass Spending Bill Might Delay Destruction Of The Country
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With time running short, Congress has warned that failure to pass a massive spending bill could result…
7 Ways ‘Die Hard’ Points Us To Jesus
It’s only a week until Christmas, which means two things — remembering the wonder of God sending Jesus into the…