Mass Effect 5 Goes Full MAGA?! Tucker Carlson to the Rescue! 🇺🇸🚀
In a move that has shocked the gaming world (and probably delighted a few basement-dwelling trolls), BioWare has reportedly stripped…
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Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas
    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas appeared first on The Onion. Â
Too Far? Biden Pardons All Bicyclists
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Biden administration faced its fiercest wave of criticism yet with even the president’s most ardent supporters…
Clarence Thomas Wows Audiences With Starring Role In ‘Annie’
MANHATTAN, NY — Broadway audiences were in for a real treat when Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas took the stage…
God Locks Heavenly Gates After Spotting Mormon Missionaries Milling Around Outside
    Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked…
Biden Calls For New Gun Laws He Can Pardon His Son For Breaking
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After yet another tragic shooting, President Biden has just called for new gun control laws that he…
FEMA Administrator Resigns After Accidentally Playing Porn On Emergency Alert System
    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Apologizing for the terrifying series of events that left shocked, confused, and disgusted citizens screaming, crying, and searching…
🧨🎷 From Masks to Money Grabs: Slipknot’s ‘Look Outside Your Window’ Album is All About Cash
In the wild world of heavy metal and clown-faced chaos, Slipknot has always been known for their hardcore music, insane…
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
    Read MoreThe OnionMADISON, WI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Wisconsin in which a lone attacker killed at least…
12 Most Common Questions Wives Ask During Movies
Women are a mystery. We literally do not understand them at all. So, we consulted with the top women researchers,…