Federal Judge Orders Astronauts Be Returned To Space Station
U.S. — A district judge has issued a ruling saying Trump lacked the Constitutional authority to pick up two astronauts…
Category: Babylon Bee
Mormon Wife Designs Future Planet On Pinterest
BOISE, ID — Local Mormon wife and mother of two Hadleigh Christensen spent a lazy Sunday afternoon using Pinterest to…
Single Woman Constantly Stressed With No Man Around To Tell Her To Relax
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA — Local single woman Michelle Denton continues to be perpetually stressed out as she sadly has no…
Biblical Scholars Now Believe Jesus Will Return Again 13 Days After Second Coming To Pick Up Orthodox Believers
U.S. — After years of examining the texts about the second coming of Christ, Bible scholars now believe that Jesus…
Russia Says It Will Agree To Ceasefire As Soon As It’s Done Conquering Ukraine
MOSCOW — In an encouraging development for the seemingly deadlocked negotiations, Russia now says that it would agree to a…
Dad Issues Kids Night Vision Goggles So Family Never Has To Turn On A Light Again
HOULTON, ME — Local man Chris Porter stumbled upon an incredible life hack to reduce his family’s electric bill after…
Studies Show Majority Of People Who Say They Don’t Want Kids Have Never Flown A Toddler Around In A Laundry Basket While Making Rocket Ship Sounds
CINCINNATI, OH — An eye-opening new study has shown that the majority of people who say they don’t want to…
In Effort To Boost Ticket Sales, Disney Edits Rachel Zegler Out Of ‘Snow White’
BURBANK, CA — In an effort to boost ticket sales for what it suspected could be a disappointing opening, Disney…
Theologians Agree That Antichrist Will Most Likely Be A Podcaster
CHICAGO, IL — Following extensive study, a group of prominent theologians agreed that the Antichrist would most likely be a…
Track & Field Runner Accidentally Trips, Punches, Attacks Rival With A Sword
LYNCHBURG, VA — This week’s championship 4×200-meter relay event ended in disaster when a runner accidentally, tripped, punched, and attacked…