Trump Claims Ukraine Started War
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Trump appeared to blame Ukraine’s leaders for the three year war with Russia, arguing Ukrainian President Volodymyr…
Category: The Onion
Trump Unable To Focus In Meeting As Pressure Of Booking Kennedy Center Summer Jazz Series Looms
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Amid efforts to prove himself as an effective chair of the performing arts organization, President Donald Trump was…
Dad Spends Daughter’s Wedding Day Thinking About History Of Oil
Read MoreThe OnionMOUNT CLEMENS, MI—With guests congratulating him and his family as his mind drifted back from the very beginnings…
Trump Boys Get Tongues Stuck To Frozen White House
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Flailing their arms and crying out in anguish, Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. were reportedly panicking Thursday…
Venomous Snake Found In Bananas At New Hampshire Grocery Store
Read MoreThe OnionAn Ornate cat-eyed snake was found hiding in a bunch of bananas at a New Hampshire grocery store,…
‘How Different Could Purified And Distilled Water Really Be?’ Thinks Humidifier Owner About To Enter World Of Shit
Read MoreThe OnionFOXFIELD, CO—As he näively filled the household appliance with little regard for the consequences of his actions, local…
Scotland Frees Hundreds Of Inmates To Ease Overcrowding
Read MoreThe OnionHundreds of prisoners will be freed in Scotland as part of a broader emergency response to ease the…
Iceberger King
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Iceberger King appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…
Horrified Woman Swears Off Ambien After Seeing Number Of Library Books She Reserved Last Night
Read MoreThe OnionCOLUMBUS, OH—Reeling as she took stock of the damage done in her debilitated state, area woman Brittany Marino…
Trump Cutbacks Force FAA To Unplug Giant Magnet That Keeps Planes In Air
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With thousands of aircraft suddenly falling out of the sky after the power was turned off, President Donald…