Category: The Onion

    Read MoreThe OnionBy Commander Byxxurian Greetings, earthlings. I am Commander Byxxurian from Nebula Vriphlaxor-9. I come bearing a message of…

    Read MoreThe OnionLANCASTER, PA—Leaping up from his rocking chair as the realization filled him with utter panic, forgetful Amish guy…

    Read MoreThe OnionWhether you’re spending time with cherished family members or new friends, skipping small talk and diving into deeper…

    Read MoreThe OnionMANASSAS, VA—Producing numerous congenital and physical anomalies that include extreme Anglo-Saxon deformities, years of inbreeding reportedly caused a…

    Read MoreThe OnionABILENE, KS—Holding their loved ones close in astonishment as they witnessed thehistory-making broadcast, an emotional nation reportedly gathered…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post College Student Explains What It Like To Be First In Family Forced To Drink Own Urine…

    Read MoreThe OnionGREENVILLE, NC—Calling it a “life-changing” opportunity for one of his many subscribers, internet influencer Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson reportedly…

    Read MoreThe OnionDAMASCUS—Stating that none of it would have been possible without the broken will of the nation’s people, ousted…

    Read MoreThe OnionPHILADELPHIA—Weighing in on the chaotic events unfolding in one of those Middle Eastern–looking countries, Americans reported feeling glad…