Category: The Onion

    Read MoreThe OnionMILWAUKEE—Noticing the discolored places where different letters had once adorned the decoration, area woman Paula Jackson observed Friday…

    Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin! appeared first on The Onion.  

    Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school…

    Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside…

    Read MoreThe Oniony he comes to work every morning, Solarion Enterprises CEO Dan Lipcot told reporters Friday that in order…

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Doctor Warns Of Damaging Effects Child Obesity Having On Mall Santas appeared first on The Onion.  

    Read MoreThe OnionTHE HEAVENS—Groaning to Himself as the professionally dressed evangelists rounded the corner, the Lord God Almighty reportedly locked…

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Apologizing for the terrifying series of events that left shocked, confused, and disgusted citizens screaming, crying, and searching…