Confused Trump Autographs Swearing-In Bible Before Handing It Back To Justice Roberts
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Hampering the chief justice’s efforts to swear him in for a second term, President-elect Donald Trump autographed the…
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Sewage Sludge Used As Fertilizer Poses Health Risks
Read MoreThe OnionThe EPA warned that forever chemicals found in sewage sludge that some farmers use to fertilize fields and…
FDA Bans Red Food Dye
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration has banned the use of red dye No. 3 in food, beverages,…
Egyptologists Unearth Depictions Of Simple Ramps, Levers Aliens Used To Build Pyramids
Read MoreThe OnionCAIRO—Finally solving the mystery of how such architectural wonders could have been built with primitive tools in ancient…
Pros And Cons Of Buying Greenland
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump has expressed his interest in buying Greenland, an idea he first floated back in 2019.…
Kendrick Lamar Hit With Drive-By Summons Outside L.A. Nightclub
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—In a chaotic scene that saw young people screaming and ducking for cover in the moments after…
How Mark Zuckerberg Is Making Meta More MAGA-Friendly
Read MoreThe OnionMeta founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has made a major right-wing pivot, including adding Trump ally Dana White…
Nursing Home Told Man Playing Accordion For Them Is Billy Joel
Read MoreThe OnionSOUTH PLAINFIELD, NJ—Having been informed that he canceled a major stop on his big world tour just to…
Donut Pillow Shit For Smothering
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Donut Pillow Shit For Smothering appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Pete Hegseth Faces Difficult Confirmation Hearing
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump’s controversial nominee for defense secretary, Pete Hegseth, appeared for questioning on Capitol Hill in a…