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Category: The Onion

Local Dad Really Banking On Sports To Instill Core Values In Children
The Onion

Local Dad Really Banking On Sports To Instill Core Values In Children

FinnFebruary 25, 2026

       WAUKESHA, WI—Saying his approach to parenting was “hands-off” as far as imparting fundamental life lessons was concerned, local dad…

Bodybuilder Films Self Eating Chicken To Make Sure Form Correct 
The Onion

Bodybuilder Films Self Eating Chicken To Make Sure Form Correct 

FinnFebruary 25, 2026

       ATLANTA—Explaining that watching his movements on video had really helped him identify weaknesses and track his gains and losses,…

Trump Invites Victims Of Jeffrey Epstein Investigation As SOTU Guests
The Onion

Trump Invites Victims Of Jeffrey Epstein Investigation As SOTU Guests

FinnFebruary 24, 2026

       The post Trump Invites Victims Of Jeffrey Epstein Investigation As SOTU Guests appeared first on The Onion.    The post…

Man Proud Of Hair On Ground After Haircut
The Onion

Man Proud Of Hair On Ground After Haircut

FinnFebruary 24, 2026

       ERIE, PA—Feeling what he described as intense satisfaction as he gazed at the floor around the barber chair, local…

Tyra Banks Says Taking Abuse From Tyra Banks Simply Reflective Of How The Industry Works
The Onion

Tyra Banks Says Taking Abuse From Tyra Banks Simply Reflective Of How The Industry Works

FinnFebruary 24, 2026

       SYDNEY—Responding to backlash following the release of Netflix’s America’s Next Top Model docuseries, supermodel and television personality Tyra Banks…

U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor
The Onion

U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor

FinnFebruary 23, 2026

       The post U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor appeared first on The Onion.    The post U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor…

U.S. Tourists Advised To Temporarily Avoid Shootouts With Mexican Drug Cartels
The Onion

U.S. Tourists Advised To Temporarily Avoid Shootouts With Mexican Drug Cartels

FinnFebruary 23, 2026

       WASHINGTON—In an effort to protect visitors to the violently contested territories south of the U.S. border, the State Department…

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House
The Onion

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

FinnFebruary 23, 2026

       The post Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House appeared first on The Onion.    The…

What To Know About The SAVE America Act
The Onion

What To Know About The SAVE America Act

FinnFebruary 23, 2026

       If passed into law, the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act will create new barriers to voting in federal elections…

RFK Jr. Claims Anti-Protein Extremists Left Head Of Lettuce On His Doorstep
The Onion

RFK Jr. Claims Anti-Protein Extremists Left Head Of Lettuce On His Doorstep

FinnFebruary 23, 2026

       WASHINGTON—Saying his advocacy for consuming animal products had painted a target on his back, Health and Human Services Secretary…

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