Day: May 7, 2025
Metallica generously gifts us another ‘Creeping Death’ video from Syracuse, because, you know, we haven’t seen that enough already 🙄🤘
OMG! 😱 Did you HEAR?! Someone actually FILMED Metallica playing “Creeping Death” in Syracuse! 🙄 I mean, who cares, right?…
BREAKING: Smoke Has Risen From Buc-ee’s Indicating Fresh Brisket Is On The Board
WACO, TX — The gathered crowds broke out into deafening cheers as smoke rose from Buc-ee’s this afternoon, indicating fresh…
Trump Offers Undocumented Immigrants $1,000 To Leave Country
    Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump’s administration said that it is going to pay immigrants who are in the United States…
3 Doors Down Dude Says “Bring It On, Cancer!” Like It’s a Free Guitar Solo 🤘🎸💀
Brad Arnold from 3 DOORS DOWN has stage 4 kidney cancer! 😱 Guess “The Better Life” wasn’t all that better,…
Fox News Calls Papacy For Joe Biden
U.S. — Fox News has announced that it is ready to officially project the winner of the papacy, calling the…
OMG! Leaked pics show ASUS’s Xbox handheld and ROG Ally 2 – are they trying to bankrupt us all or just fuel our crippling gadget addiction? 🤣🎮💰
OMG! You won’t BELIEVE what just “leaked” from the FCC! 😱 Apparently, ASUS is working on a SECRET “Project Keenan”…
Trump Orders Reopening Of Alcatraz
    Read MoreThe Onion​​President Donald Trump is directing the reopening and expansion of Alcatraz, the notorious former prison on a hard-to-reach…
Sad: AOC Unable To Obtain Real ID Because She Died On Jan 6 And Is A Ghost
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The national movement to require everyone to convert their forms of identification continued to receive pushback as…
Trump Sends In Nicolas Cage To Reoccupy Alcatraz
SAN FRANCISCO — Nicolas Cage has successfully infiltrated Alcatraz after being tapped by President Trump to reoccupy the famous island…