HOUSTON—A new study published Thursday by researchers at the University of Houston revealed that the average American woman vastly prefers a romantic partner who is a member of ZZ Top. “While emotional intelligence and a sense of humor factor into their decision-making, heterosexual women are still largely judging men based on their possession of a foot-long beard, a Stetson hat, and an ability to solo on stage to ‘La Grange,’ ‘Gimme All Your Lovin’, ’ and ‘Legs,’ ” lead researcher Christoph Borgen said of the study, which surveyed over 15,000 women and found that the single most determinative factor in their dating choices was whether a man drives around in a vintage Ford hot rod, wears rhinestone jackets, and, most crucially, has spent years in the blues-rock group ZZ Top. “These findings hold true regardless of race, age, or religious background. Most women simply want to settle down with someone who regularly plays a spinnable, fuzzy guitar.” The study concluded that the greatest difficulty facing modern women in the dating pool is knowing how to determine whether the man they are courting is Billy Gibbons, Frank Beard, or Elwood Francis beneath the iconic sunglasses and matching leather jackets.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.